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“You’re here!” Giovanna exclaims the moment I open the car door and get out.Still with my back to her, I give myself a second to close my eyes and take a deep breath, then I open them, put a smile on my face and turn into the happy bride character.
I went all the way here in silence, and Marcos didn’t give me a glance.He chose to drive, so he came alone in the front seat while Isabella was in her car seat, entertained with games on my phone, and me next to her in the back seat.
She chattered endlessly about the giant damn dog that is a baby, and I didn’t know if I thanked Marcos for it, or if I cursed him.The change of subject was welcome, since in recent days all my daughter had been talking about was when she would return to day-care, and this morning, after I told her where we were going, about thegrandparents.Now, at least, despite the insistence, she wasn’t talking about something that’s not going to happen.
To the surprise of a total of zero people, Marcos drove to Jardins, a neighborhood with the highest concentration of mansions per square foot in the city of São Paulo.A few minutes after we entered the neighborhood, he slowed the car as we approached a black barred gate, and here we are.
I unfasten Bella’s seat belt, and her little eyes widen.
“What is it, my love?” I ask, straightening the bow in her hair.
“Is it here, Mommy?”
“Uh-huh...” I confirm and smooth the collar of her dress.Isabella lowers her eyes suddenly, looking shy despite the previous excitement. I smile. Bella is a child like I’ve never seen, and it’s not because she’s my daughter that I say that.All right, maybe there’s a little bit of maternal pride in that thought.But the fact is, my Bella is affectionate, cheerful, expansive, and at the same time shy.
Sometimes I get the feeling that even so young, she’s afraid that her expectations of others will hurt her.I’ve seen this happen before with her friends from day-care.Once, she was extremely excited to buy a birthday present for a colleague, I let her choose, and for the entire time we were at the mall, she couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful the doll we bought for her friend was.The next morning, however, all this excitement was suddenly replaced by a face of crying and an absolute refusal to go to daycare.
At first, I thought she might not be wanting to give the doll as it was the initial idea and I was ready to give a speech about generosity and caring for others, but when I asked her why she didn’t want to go to school, I was completely surprised by her answer.
She asked me what would happen if Julia, her little colleague, didn’t like the doll and I understood what the problem was.My daughter was insecure.And that’s exactly what I see in her little hazel eyes.I caress her cheeks and leave a kiss on the tip of her nose before bringing my mouth to her ear.
“They’ll love you,” I whisper, and her face takes on a worried expression.She extends her arms to me, asking to pick her up, and I know I should say that she is big for it, but I can’t resist the face that seeks a source of security and I wrap my arms around her.Isabella wraps her legs around my waist, and when I stretch my arm to grab her backpack, I realize it’s not there.
On the other side of the seat, Marcos has the door open and his head inside the car with a frown.
“Is she okay?” he asks, looking genuinely worried, and I notice that Isabella’s backpack is in his hands.I just nod, agreeing, then turn to his parents, who await us smiling at the entrance to the immense house.
“Hello!” I smile.Bella moves in my arms, squeezing herself even tighter against me.
“Hello!Welcome!” Giovanna approaches and kisses my face. “And who is this beautiful young lady here?” Isabella loosens her grip around me and spins her small body, finally looking forward but remaining silent.
“This is Isabella,” I introduce her.
“What a beautiful girl you are, Isabella!” My daughter smiles shyly, accepting the compliment, and Marcos’ father approaches us.Bella tilts her face sideways, analyzing him, and I think I can blame the lack of male references in her life for this reaction.She spends some time looking between Marcos and Joaquim, and when she finally speaks, she makes us all laugh.
“You’re him but older!” she points.
“Yes, I am!” Joaquim replies laughing, and my daughter turns to me.The shyness of before, now replaced by the joy of having made a great discovery.Being a child is so simple…I kiss her forehead, and after that moment, we all entered the house.
After the first contact, Isabella doesn’t take long to loosen up, and before lunch is served, Giovanna is already holding hands with her giving her a tour through the house.I didn’t want to get away from my daughter because, after all, I don’t know Marcos’ parents, no matter what.So I accept the tour as well, leaving my fiancé and his father behind, in the living room, talking.
Marcos’ childhood home is not a house, it’s a mansion, and with every room we enter, Isabella seems more enchanted as I become more nostalgic.I’ve had a house like this, more than one, by the way.Pajama parties, movie afternoons, and pool parties were some of the conveniences I enjoyed throughout my childhood and adolescence and that if we weren’t here today, Bella would probably never enjoy either.
I take a deep breath, relieving in my chest the feeling that had insisted on squeezing it since I realized that Marcos was pretending that my daughter was his beloved stepdaughter. It’ll be worth it.I’m not such a bad mother, I just want what’s best for her.Just that.And seeing also the dazzled way Giovanna is treating my little girl, maybe it’s not exactly such a bad thing that Isabella has her for the next two years.
It’s better for just two years than none, right?I don’t know...I really don’t… I sigh, only realizing that we returned to the living room when I hear the voices of my fiancé and his father.
“Mommy, can I go see Maya?” the childish voice asks, and I find its owner standing next to my legs, but without even touching me.She shakes her whole body, anxious, the shy and insecure child of minutes ago completely forgotten.
“Who?” I frown.
“The giant baby dog!” she replies as if she were explaining something obvious to me, and I remember.The dog’s name is Maya.I look for Giovanna with my eyes and find her smiling, completely focused on my daughter, her expression of admiration is so great, that it is difficult not to feel grateful to her.It’s like they say,if my child likes you, then I like you…
“Why don’t you leave it till after lunch?We just got back. Let Mrs. Giovanna rest.”
“Oh, that’s no problem my dear! I’m not tired!” she replies immediately, and I, not knowing why, look for Marcos with my eyes, he observes our trio’s interaction, but he does not meddle, nor does he pressure me, leaving me free to decide what I want about the limits of my daughter’s interactions with her parents. I take a deep breath.
