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I breath out all the air in my lungs.
“I really don’t need this now, Grazi!”
“And what do you need, Nel?That I pat on your head and put all the blame on him?Because we both know you’re not innocent, Antonella!You’re just as guilty as he is, and you’re also the only one interested in keeping your legs shut, so do it.I told you; you didn’t have to go through this.I told you he’s an asshole, and yet here we are.” She snorts, outraged, and I take one hand to my eyes, using my thumb and forefinger to rub the closed eyelids.
“You...”
“If you tell me I don’t understand, I swear to God I’ll get on the first plane to São Paulo just to slap you twice in the face, Antonella! Of course I understand you.You clearly want to fuck him!But you know what I also understand?That you’re not stupid and you know you can’t!That he’s a spoiled child who throws a temper tantrum and talks shit when he’s told no.That this guy doesn’t deserve to play in your playground, let alone have you as a wife, even if it’s a little lie.Oh, for God’s sake, Antonella!There’s still time to back down from this.What other evidence do you need that this is a bad idea?Guy says he’s going to have sex with other girls on your wedding night.
“Grazi, it’s not like I really care who Marcos has sex with.I don’t care!What pissed me off was the fact that he said that as a reaction to my no.That was a provocation, and we all know it.” I run my hands through my hair, getting up from the bed and walking to the window.
The lights on in the city invade the dark room, and I lean my head against the glass.
“I’m not giving up, Grazi...”
“I know you won’t... You never give up on anything. You’re more stubborn than a mule! When you put something in your head, there’s no one to take it out, it’s always been that way.”
“I just...” I take a deep breath. “What pisses me off is the same thing that relieves me, you know?!He just wanted to make me feel so angry as he felt... A child, I’m going to marry a fucking child, Grazi.As if one didn’t give me enough trouble anymore” I grumble at the last sentence.
“That’s not the worst part. The worst part is that you’re dying to have sex with him, a child...”
“Oh, but he definitely doesn’t touch me like a child, Grazi. Definitely not… And this conversation is getting really, really weird!” My friend laughs.
“I’m serious, Nel.You need to find a solution for this...A new dildo, perhaps?” offers and it’s my turn to laugh.
“No, Grazi.It’s ok. Marcos is absolutely terrified that I fall in love with him and that will keep him as far away as possible.You should have seen his face!”
“…I’ll pass. Anyway, where are you going to get ready for the wedding?”
“At the hotel, the same one where everything is going to happen, the organizer gave me the latest information today.”
“What about that honeymoon?Where is it going to be?”
“I have no idea, somewhere in Brazil, since my passport is expired, or maybe in South America, but I don’t really care.Not when I’m going to count the days to get back to Isabella.”
“I know. We should take a trip when you get back, just the three of us...” The suggestion makes me smile.And I raise my eyes, losing myself in the little colored lights I can see in the distance.
“It’s a good plan.”
“Nel...”
“I know, Grazi... I know” I answer before she even has a chance to say she didn’t mean to be rude. She’s just worried.
“I love you!”
“Forever!”
“Are you gonna be okay till Friday? What do you think of sleeping at the hotel? We can do a girls’ night.”
“It’s an amazing idea, Bella will love it.”
“She will.” I can feel the smile in her voice.
“Good night, Grazi.”
“Good night.”
I hang up the call and keep my eyes on the horizon.There are so many thoughts in my head that I have a hard time organizing them, but among all of them, there is one that stands out, my friend is right and I really need to think with my brain, not with what I have between my legs.
