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When her head finally rises, the feeling that comes through me upon seeing her puffy eyes, red skin and heavy countenance is completely unknown and irrational, but it is so absurdly bad, that I know there are few things I wouldn’t do to not feel it again.
Isabella and I stared at each other for no time and for a long time. We were never completely alone except for those few minutes when I found myself eating slime.
The first time I saw her, in the hospital, when I discovered her existence, I was sad for her. I was sorry to hear that Antonella was all she had.However, as I got closer to her mother, I found that there was no reason for me to feel any pity for the child. Antonella says she’s all Isabella needs and every day I become more aware of how true these words are.
Isabella needs no one but her mother, and yet she charms whoever dares to come close. I ate a fucking slime! And I watched a nonsense animation about a warrior princess who is not a princess and a female dragon in an eastern kingdom.
And if that wasn’t enough evidence of the level of hypnosis exercised by the mini person in my arms, there’s still the fact that I can’t go through anything that reminds me of her, without stopping, buying and longing for the smile she’ll give me when she receives the gift.
And now, here we are, staring at each other as my chest is gripped by such a devastatingly absurd need to protect this child, that I don’t know what to do with it or understand how or when it happened.
It’s Bella who breaks our eye contact when she sinks her face back into my neck, even though she’s already loosened the grip around me.
“What happened, Bella? What was in your room? Was it an animal? Does it fly?” I try to determine the size of the threat, and she shakes her head.I feel the movements up and down, even if I don’t see them.
All right, it’s an animal, then.My chest is only relieved an inch, but it is relieved.After all, it’s not a person.Even though the idea of an intruder is absurd, a part of me still feared for it.
“And how big is this animal, Bella? Is it big?” Again, the head nods, confirming.
“It’s big, Marcos! It’s big! So big!” The trembling voice makes me clench my fists.
“It’s okay, Bella! I’m gonna get him out of there, okay? Where was it?”
“In the closet, Marcos! The monster! The monster was in the closet” she says, shuddering and shaking her arms again around me with all her strength.Wait, what? Was the giant monster in the closet?I join my eyebrows, making an effort to understand what it can be, and when understanding hits me, an immense smile spreads across my face as my body loosens on the back of the armchair, relaxing, relieved.
“Bella,” I call, softly, and she brings her face before me, but keeps her eyes down. “Did you open the closet, sweetie?” The head shakes slowly, denying it. “And when you saw the monster, were you asleep?” Another nod, this time positive. “I see.” The little face, now, looks much less terrified than embarrassed, and I kiss Isabella’s forehead.
“What do you think of us calling your mother now?” Her eyes widen before she shakes her head in a frantic denial. Again, I frown.
“I don’t want to go out there, Marcos! I don’t!” Finally she raises her eyes, meeting mine, reinforcing the desperate request with bright eyes for unspilled tears.I open my mouth, I don’t say anything, I just shake my head, agreeing. Alright… No leaving the room...
“How about we build an anti-monster fortress, Bella?” I test.
“A fortress?” She widens her eyes, interested, and I bite my lip, trying to deal with my own genius idea.
“Mm-hmm …” I murmur and wonder what an anti-monster fortress should look like.I almost laugh at myself when I realize what my concern is.For god’s sake, Marcos!
I get up from the chair and put Isabella on the floor.She stops, standing, but she won’t let me go and that’s why, still crouching, I explain to her my plan:
“Okay! We’ll cover you with lots of comforters! Did you know that comforters have magical powers and scare away monsters?” Her mouth takes the shape of anO, surprised. I try really hard to stay serious. “And then, when you’re fully protected, I’ll go across the hall and call your mother, all right?”
I get a silent confirmation.
“We need to get the blankets from the closet. Will you help me?”
“Yes…” Her voice is low, still unsure of actually letting go, I notice.
“Let’s do this, you stand at the door, I’ll get the blankets, I’ll give them to you and you put them on the bed. Okay?”
“Okay!”
“Very well!” Gently, I release the small hands from my neck and get up.Hand in hand with Isabella, I walk towards the closet.
“You stay here, okay?” Her eyes move from side to side, frightened at the possibility of being alone.
“I’m not going anywhere, Bella... I’ll be right here… And you’ll soon be protected by the fortress, remember? You’re a very strong warrior, just like the princess in the dragon movie, aren’t you?” That seems to give her strength. She moves her head, nodding, and I let go of her hand.
I quickly find the bedding section in my closet and take out two comforters.I walk to Isabella and put one of them in her small arms, she makes it all the way to the bed, leaves it there and comes back for more.We do this three more times until I determine that eight comforters are enough for a fortress.
