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“I promise.”
Even as I say the words, I know I’m lying. I’m too raw right now. I need to get my head straight.
Junie
“Junie, I’m heading into the station. Do you want me to drop you off at the bar?” Ben’s question is called out from the other room. I stare up at the ceiling wondering what I’m going to do.
Ben is in the other room, because that’s how it has been for the last five days. He will sleep in bed with me, on top of the cover. He’ll hold me, kiss the top of my head, my forehead—even my damn cheek. He’ll kiss me anywhere that’s more like kissing a friend or family member—not a lover.Never as a lover.I’ve given him all the signals. I’ve done everything except fall upon his dick and take away any choices he might have to say no. I’d be tempted to do that, but he keeps dressed the entire time. I’m not even talking about pajamas bottoms that might give me a little room to sneak my hand in them and see if there were still signs of life between his legs. He’s been wearing his uniform pants or jeans to bed. He doesn’t even shower while he’s here. It’s as if I’ve been….
Permanently friend zoned.
I thought he was worried about me and being overly cautious, afraid to approach me because of Greg showing up and the way I nearly fell apart. I did fall apart, mostly. I admit it, and I needed him to hold me gently and reassure me everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t expect him toonlydo that. I can’t keep going like this, and I don’t want to.
“I’ve got a car, Ben,” I growl, rolling over on my side, giving him my back. It doesn’t matter, because he’s not even in the same damn room, but it makes me feel a little better.
“What, Junie?” he says, his voice closer. I know he’s peeking in through the door. He’s not in the room, of course. He’d probably burst into instant flames from hell if he dared enter my bedroom during the day.
“I said I have a damn car. I don’t need you to drive me anywhere.” I sound hateful as hell, and I don’t care because Ifeelhateful.
“If you’re sure. I’ll come over to the bar at lunch and we’ll—”
“No.”
“—go to Cliffside.”
“I said no.”
“You want to go to Carl’s or maybe that new place they put in? I’ve been hearing good things about it. Danny took Melissa there last week—”
“I don’t want to go to lunch with you, Ben.”
“Do you have to work at the bar? I could bring takeout and—”
“I don’t have anything to do at the bar today. I just don’t want to have lunch with you.”
“Okay, Baby. I’ll bring us some food home and—”
“I don’t want that either,” I tell him, still not turning around, but his tone, where he keeps his responses soft and sweet annoy the hell out of me. I have a baseball bat on this side of my bed. My gaze is centered on where I can see the handle of it sticking up over my nightstand. I resist the urge to grab it and bang Ben over the head with it, hoping it loosens up whatever pod person has taken over his brain.
“What do you want, Junie?” Ben asks, and finally his voice changes, but this is just as bad because he sounds like I’m putting him out… like he’s tired.
Join the crowd, jerk-face.
“Just leave, Ben. Go to work, go home, sleep in your own bed, and do whatever at your house.That’swhat I want,” I mumble, ignoring the pain I feel. This is my fault. I pushed Ben away and now I have to deal with the consequences—which include being in love with a man who I no longer have a claim to.
Love.I love Ben. I suck back the tears that sting my eyes. They won’t help, and I’m tired of feeling weak.
“We can do my house tonight, then. What time will you be coming over? I’ll try to get off work early and—”
“I’m not coming over,” I mumble and am met with silence that lasts a little too long.
“What are you saying?” Ben asks, annoyance creeping into his tone.
“I’m saying you’re released from duty, Sheriff. You can go back to your life and leave me alone.”
“Leave you alone,” Ben repeats under his breath. Those words from his lips feel horrible, but I welcome the pain. Pain is the first step in healing, right? Fuck, I have no idea. I’ve never truly been in love before Ben.
“You’re welcome,” I respond with a sigh. He should be relieved I’m letting him off the hook. I’ve definitely come to realize he’s only here out of some warped sense of duty, because I fell apart on him. He thinks it’s his job to fix me because we dated. Of course he does. Ben’s a sheriff. He has lived his whole life with this sense of duty that it’s his job to take care of people. Apparently, that’s bled over into his personal life—even with a woman he wants rid of.
