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I’m so stunned by her reaction that I can’t think of anything to say. All I can do is look into her eyes as I try to figure out what angle she’s working. She has to be hiding something from me—an ulterior motive—that’s the only explanation for why she’s acting like this… so… unnatural.
“Get off me,” I scoff, pushing her away as I leap to my feet. “What game are you playing?” I roar, my fists balling at my side and my breath comes out in angry puffs.
Even sprawled on the floor she looks as regal and determined as ever. “She’s fucked you over more than I thought,” she mumbles, while she slowly stands. “I thought I had… doesn’t matter now, does it? I overlooked things, and that’s unforgivable.” I’m pretty sure her muttered words aren’t for me, but they make my hackles rise all the same.
How fucking dare she blame herself when I’m the one who’s… ah, fuck it, if I can’t be honest with myself, I can’t with anyone. The rotten truth is that I’m fucking afraid that my attempts at helping might have damaged something irreparably between us. Sure, I might put on a brave face and say it’s all for Cia—which it is—but it’s also… not. As much as I hate to admit it, which is why I’ve never even admitted it to myself, it’s also for me.
We grew up worshiping books about the Greek gods, so is it any surprise that I want to be her hero? The one who conquers all the evil in the world, all in the name of Acacia.
“Why did you think I needed protection?” she asks, scrutinizing my face. I know that not even the slight tick of my jaw goes unnoticed just as I know she’s filing it all away, and analyzing it in that strategic brain of hers.
“Mom said you did,” I wheeze. Now that I’m saying it out loud, how the fuck could I ever take it seriously?
Throwing her arms around me, Cia holds me so tight I can feel her shaking against me. I’m just about to open my mouth and refute her pity, when she seethes, “She played you, Gus. Even if she was right, even if I’m in fucking peril, she played you. She stole your innocence and twisted your love, your loyalty.” When I don’t return the embrace, shocked at the venom in her tone and her perceptiveness and the truth in the words, she squeezes me harder and I feel her tears landing on my shirt, creating a wet pattern on my chest. “Do you hear me? She stole what wasn’t hers, warping you into something she could control.”
All I can do is stare dumbfounded at the crown of my cousin’s head as she angrily screams through her tears, and I’m pretty sure the tight hold she normally has on herself is long gone.
Inhaling deeply, she tries to compose herself, and her tone is almost wistful as she says, “Why else…”
I have a pretty good idea where my cousin’s mind just went, and it’s not pretty. “Why else would she not tell me I had sisters.” When Cia sobs into me, I know that’s what she didn’t want to say, and I can’t blame her.
The last time we spoke about it, I let my mom get in my head when she told me about Kai and Cia. As a result, I hurt the love of my life physically and mentally, and I have no idea how to make that right—or if I even can.
“I’m so sorry I—” When Cia’s voice trembles too much for her to continue, I finally wrap my arms around her and bend down so I can nestle my face against her shoulder. “I killed her, Gus. You know that I didn’t know who she was to you, but I still did it. I don’t know… I mean… how can I ever apologize enough for robbing you of knowing one of your kin? Your blood. I’m just so fucking sorry.”
My heart feels like it’s breaking as my cousin cries her heart out on my behalf, selflessly she’s hurting over what has been done to me, with no thought about what I did to her—and that’s so not okay.
Helpless…that’showIfeel as I watch Gus morph from sad and insecure into righteously furious—like a harbinger of doom—in front of me. His nostrils flare, his fists are tight, and his jaw is clenched so tight his teeth have to be hurting.
“Don’t you fucking dare pity me,” he growls, his face reddening with each word. “I hurt you, so you have to hurt me back. I know you, Cia. You love your tit for tat, and we’re not even until I’m the one running away from you.”
Just as I’m about to launch a verbal torrent of insults at him for being such a dick, I realize what he’s doing. Gus and his fucking hubris—it’ll be his downfall one day if he doesn’t stop this destructive cycle he’s addicted to. Instead of giving into my urge to make us even, I take a deep breath and center myself.
“You’ve already run away from me,” I point out, coldly. “After you told me my dad is alive—which you casually threw at me like it wasn’t earth-shattering information—you ran. All it took was you thinking I didn’t want you, and then you tucked your tail between your legs and fucking ran. Fromme,of all people. So I think we’re even on that front. What else?”
I purposefully keep my voice calm, refusing to let him bait me into a fight that’s only going to make matters worse.
When Gus does nothing but stand there like a statue, a dumbfounded one, I continue. “You said I need to hurt you, but I have done that as well, haven’t I? Or are you okay with me marrying Kai? Are you so far gone that it doesn’t matter to you? If that didn’t hurt, how about the fact that I killed your fucking sister? You asked me to spare her, and I didn’t—I slit her throat right in front of you.” An unhappy smile makes my lips twitch as I remember what I did next. “Am I wrong, Gus? Does that really not matter to you? I smeared your sister’s blood on your cock. Her. Blood—”
Gus cuts me off with an angry growl and launches himself at me, closing what little distance there is between us. Even though the wild look in his ice-blue eyes makes me want to move out of his way, I stand my ground, refusing to budge.
I’m only half surprised when his lips immediately seek mine in a bruising and painful kiss. As our tongues tangle, it feels more like a fight for dominance than an act of love, and I’m high on it. His anger, his pain… Gus unplugged with nothing to hide behind is painfully beautiful, and I have to be his match. If I let go of the frail tether that’s holding us together, it would be the same as giving up on him—on us.
Never!
Pulling away, Gus pants, “I don’t deserve this.”
There’s still a shadow of uncertainty clinging to him, one I want to obliterate so thoroughly he’ll never want to doubt me again. “No, you don’t. But I do, and I want you.” I answer truthfully. I cup his hardness through his pants, squeezing him until he groans in pain and pleasure. “There’s one—and only one—thing I want from you.”
“And what’s that?” he asks gruffly, the tip of his tongue wetting his dry lips.
I take his hand and drag him to my bedroom, where I make a beeline for my bed. I let go of his hand as I make myself comfortable in the middle, instead fisting the fabric of his t-shirt, and I can’t help sighing in relief when he follows me willingly and positions himself so he’s resting on his elbows above me.
Leaning up, I softly place my lips on his and whisper, “Make love to me, Gus. Show me you want to love me more than you want to hurt me.”
“But I don’t—”
I interrupt him with a low and throaty sound. “You do want to hurt me, and that’s okay. I understand. But you need to show me that you love me more.” As I speak the words, they resonate with me in such a powerful way I get the urge to cry from the sheer magnitude.
