Page 47 of Ruler

This is something I need to feel. I can’t describe the need that’s fueled by more than the blame I’ve placed upon myself. But I can’t allow myself to be numbed and spared, not from this. It’s too poignant, a moment I want to carry with me.

Through my short life I’ve known different levels of loss. The first was when Marian took Gus from me. Then the loss of my parents, of my childhood, of Gus again, then Nikolaos. And, lastly, my dad, again. Even when I went into the ocean in the storm intending to save Kai, I thought I was losing my own life. Not a single one of those losses comes close to how I’m feeling now.

Special powers aren’t needed to know this is life-altering pain, and I can’t afford to avoid it. I’ll keep it locked inside me, a constant reminder of what’s at stake if I don’t take care of what’s mine.

I will myself not to react as Liam and Kai follow Abel’s instructions, moving me until I’m lying on my back. Despite how careful they are not to jostle me, I almost cry out from pain several times. Not wanting to cause them further distress, I gnaw on the inside of my cheek to keep quiet.

Once I’m in position, Gus removes the panties someone dressed me in after my bath. The guys don’t seem happy when Abel insists they have to either leave or step back so he can put the device inside me.

“We’re not fucking going anywhere,” Gus insists, folding his arms across his chest. “Either get on with it, or get out, doc.”

A quick look at Liam and Kai is all it takes to know they’re seconds from losing it as well.

“Enough,” I snap weakly. “I want to know, and if Abel says this is the only way I trust him.”

I’m not stupid, I know there’s more to the man than what I’ve previously been aware of. It doesn’t matter right now, though.

One thing at a fucking time.

My words have the desired effect, and the guys back off so Abel can do his thing. When he slides the damn thing inside me, I reach for their hands. I don’t care who I get to squeeze, all I care about is touching them, using them to keep grounded.

Then I close my eyes, silently repeating the family mantra I grew up on.

Drákon to ápeiro den koimátai pia.

Drákon to ápeiro den koimátai pia.

Drákon to ápeiro den koimátai pia.

I lose track of how many times I repeat it, which is good. Because I also lose track of what Abel is doing, and before I know it he tells me I can close my legs. I wince as I see the thing come out of me, covered in blood and… oh shit, don’t go there.

“Can I shower?” I ask softly.

Nodding, Abel says, “Of course. Take however long you need, I’ll be right outside.”

Despite the guys’ protests, I shower alone. Well, I agree to leave the door open in case I pass out again, but it still gives me the privacy I need—at least in my head.

I can’t stop crying. It’s not the physical pain that’s gutting me. It’s not merely the loss. I’m overwhelmed and my soul is tired. For the first time ever, I wonder if it would be easier to give up. Why am I fighting my destiny so hard? And… if I’m honest with myself, it’s not my destiny I’m trying to fight. It’s the archaic world we live in. Is it really my fight, though? It would be so much easier to let go, and remain in the status quo.

The sound of my phone ringing penetrates my thoughts. Before I can ask for it, Liam brings it to me and places it in my outstretched hand.

“Hello?” I answer weakly, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Cia? Cia can you hear me?”

I frown and look at my phone to confirm it’s Morgana who’s sounding so frantic. “Morgana?” I don’t know why I ask since I know it’s her.

“I don’t know how to tell you but—”

Sighing, I interrupt her. “I already know about our dad.” My tone is hollow, not at all becoming of a grieving daughter.

“Yes but—”

“Can I call you back? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

My question is met with silence. Then the phone is muffled, making it hard to make out what’s being said on her end. As another woman speaks my lips twitch into a half-smile. I think it’s Lupa I’m hearing, which makes me happy. I haven’t talked to the Russo Heir in forever, and I’ve felt so guilty for my part in their relationship becoming strained.

“Alexander’s body is missing,” Morgana hisses.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com