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“Did you know that male birth control exists?”
Cia smiles wryly. “Yes, Gus. I’m familiar with condoms.”
My lips twitch, wanting to smile at her almost playful tone. “That’s not what I meant. Together with a team, Abel developed two types of suppressants for males. They suppress the testosterone and sperm, without causing or showing any symptoms.”
When I pause briefly, Cia waves her hand in a ‘go on’ motion.
“Nikolaos used to make sure the pill was in mine and Liam’s food. Like clockwork, we were given it every year, which was all that was needed, apparently. The next dose was due around the time Dad died, but according to Abel’s notes, he only wanted Liam and Kai to get a dose—”
Interrupting me, Cia asks, “How did Abel give it to Kai? He isn’t his doctor.”
“No, he isn’t.” I swallow thickly, buying myself time for the next part. “Abel’s report states that he entrusted Alex—your dad to make sure the pills were ingested during your wedding to Kai.”
“What?” she screeches. “How’s that even possible… oh…” I see the exact moment she realizes how it happened. “It was in the welcome drink wasn’t it? The one waiting for us when we boarded the ship.”
I watch as her hands ball into fists, and her mouth is set in a grim line. I don’t need her words to know she’s thinking through her wedding day, and, sadly, not in a good way.
“Yeah,” I sigh, feeling exhausted as I’m going through all of this for the second time.
When I read through what Abel left behind, I was so preoccupied with what this all meant to Cia, that it took me a good while before I realized the implications. Me… a dad. Those were the instructions my dad left behind, and for some reason, Alexander and Abel carried them out. Or maybe it was Alexander’s plan. Not that it matters. Not that we’ll ever know.
“But why?” Cia asks on a breath. “Why would they do this to us?”
Taking her hands, I place them both on top of my heart that’s beating wildly in my chest. Then I place mine on hers. “You already know that,” I rasp. “To keep us both alive.”
I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with what my dad and Abel did. So far, I haven’t forgiven them. Now that I know everything, I understand their choice, but understanding and forgiveness are two very different things.
“That’s… that’s—” Cia cuts off, gaping like a fish.
“Brilliant?” I suggest, trying to lighten the mood.
“Fucked up,” she hisses, some of her spark returning.
I can see it hiding behind the veil of her gray eyes, and it’s about fucking time. She looks fucking glorious as she slowly gets to her feet. “They dare reduce us to fucking live stock? Only meant for breeding and then who cares? This is our life.”
Mirroring her, I stand up and help her out of the tub so the water and blood dripping from her arm doesn’t cause her to slip. She doesn’t stop her tirade, altering between reiterating the same questions, and cursing my dad, her dad, and Abel to Hades.
“How long have you known?” she asks as she dries off with the towel she snatched from the rack. “Do Kai and Liam know?”
While discarding my drenched clothes, I fill her in on when I told them. Making sure to emphasize that I did want to tell her first, but that I didn’t know how to when she was in so much pain.
“It never seemed like the right time. Either you were crying, or you had this vacant look in your eyes.”
She nods. “I’m not blaming you, Gus. Would I have loved to hear it first? Sure. But this isn’t just about me.”
I let out a sigh of relief because I was honestly nervous about how she was going to react. Seeing her all fired up after a month of merely existing is everything.
Palming the cut on her arm, I look into her thunderous gray eyes. “Why were you cutting yourself?”
As she looks down at the floor, a pretty pink blush creeps across her cheeks. “I wanted to feel something,” she mumbles sheepishly.
“You what?” I shout, startling the both of us. “What the actual fuck?”
She places her hands on her hips and juts her chin out. “I feel numb,” she argues. “I couldn’t take it anymore and… and… I know it was wrong and weak.”
Fear clutches me. This is so much more than I think any of us understood. This isn’t… fuck! I have no idea how to help her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, wringing her hands in front of her. “I wasn’t really trying to… you know, do any damage. I just needed to feel something.”
