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“It’s okay. Honestly. Just took me by surprise. Sorry for the freak-out,” I say from the other side of the door because I cannot face him right now.
“Come out and let’s finish watching the show.”
“I’m really tired and I need to get up early tomorrow to watch my cousins play basketball. Go ahead and finish it though. I’ll catch up later.”
My back falls to my mattress, and I cover my head with a pillow. My cheeks burn from embarrassment. What was I thinking, asking him to share his confidence? It’s been so long since anyone has done that.
“All right.” I hear his sigh through the door. “Get some rest. And again, I’m sorry.”
I take the pillow off my face only to flop it back down again.
A normal twenty-five-year-old would be able to handle an almost kiss from their hot roommate. She wouldn’t lock herself in her room and freak out. Maybe I am as delicate as my family wants to believe.
I flip over and grab Great-Grandma Dori’s letter from my nightstand drawer. It’s already becoming worn from the number of times I’ve read it.
* * *
My Dearest Brinley,
* * *
I so wish I could be around to hand you this letter, or hell, to give you the advice firsthand once you were ready to hear it. After Sawyer died, I tried to tell you what I’m writing in this letter, but you were too lost in your grief to listen. You convinced yourself Sawyer was your one true love and compared it to my relationship with your great-grandpa Phillip. What I didn’t tell you then was that I had a long life with your great-grandpa. We raised a son together and had many years as empty nesters, babysitting our grandchildren. So, when I lost him, I had all those memories to keep me warm at night. The thought of starting over with someone new after having someone who knew me so well was exhausting. I mean, I spent years training Phillip to put the toilet seat down. He knew my mood from the second he opened the door after work. I didn’t want to spend the last of my years training another man because, let me tell you, that’s hard work. But, sweetie, you’re young. Don’t hate me for this, but I often thought you were too young to marry, but that wasn’t for me to say.
* * *
I blow out a breath, thinking of all the fights I had with my parents when I announced my engagement at twenty years old. After he died, our fights were me screaming that they were probably happy now. I was such a bitch to them during my angry phase of grief.
With a sigh, I keep reading.
* * *
You’re so young—a lot of people are going to come in and out of your life. And you never know if they’re important and are going to teach you some life lesson or if they’re just passing through. Sometimes the ones you didn’t pay much attention to stay in your life, and others you thought would be by your side forever, leave you with memories that eventually fade.
I beg you, my darling great-granddaughter, to give love another chance. I know what I am asking of you and it’s not an easy task. But open that closed heart of yours because it’s much too beautiful and genuine to be tarnished and hidden your entire life. There’s enough room in there that Sawyer can share, and if he loved you like I think he did, he wants you to be happy again because being loved by you is a true gift.
I leave it in your hands now. Just be open to my words and think them over for however long you need, but I know that one day, a man is going to come into your life and weasel his way into your heart without you realizing it until it’s too late. And when you realize it’s happened, do not run away, my darling. Stay and fight those demons. Fight for what you deserve—and that is to love and, most of all, to be loved.
* * *
Love always,
Great-Grandma Dori
* * *
I wipe away the stray tears, folding the letter and putting it back in the drawer. I’d be crazy to think that Van Adler is the one who’ll find his way into my heart since I’m pretty sure he’s not into commitment, and he won’t be in Lake Starlight forever. From what I’ve gathered, he doesn’t put down roots, and that’s the last type of person I need, but maybe he’d be fun to fool around with, sort of ease me back into being with a man again.
Fool around? Come on, Brin, you ran away after he almost kissed you.
What am I thinking?
I hear him go to the bathroom like I have other nights. He has a meticulous nighttime routine. He showers every night and changes into his pajama pants or sweatpants, then returns to the bathroom, where he flosses and brushes his teeth. Goes to the bathroom, washes his hands, then disappears into his bedroom.
So, after the second shutting of his door, I slide out of my room and get ready for bed. When I return, I pack a small bag. I need to get out of here for a little bit.
Although the cabin scares me, Great-Grandma Dori is right—I need to face my fears, and the cabin is one of them. Then again, I fear an axe murderer less than I fear staying in this apartment and sleeping with my new roommate—because what happens after that?
I’ve holed myself up at the cabin all weekend. Though it was scary at first, what with all the animal noises an Alaskan girl like me should know, I’ve grown more comfortable. Mostly because I stopped tormenting myself for acting so juvenile in front of Van.
