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She waves off the suggestion. “Oh, no. We’re on school grounds.”
“There’s the spot a little farther out where students build bonfires,” Brinley suggests gently. “I could run to the store and get some skewers for the girls.”
The leader thinks about it for a moment, then smiles. “Sure, let’s do it. It isn’t too cold out and the girls all have their coats. Those who get cold can come back in. Boy, we sure are getting a treat having you here, Mr. Adler.”
I can’t fight my smile. “Thanks.”
I miss doing all this stuff. When I first came to Kodiak, I’d take my leave every year and go camping or just travel to different places with my tent and live off the land. I loved it, but that changed a while ago. Maybe my commander is right. I need a fucking life. I keep thinking he means marriage and kids, but maybe this is what he means. Not have all my focus on my job and trying to get better at it to mitigate risk. Maybe that isn’t healthy.
Brinley’s going to the store, so I recruit some dads to help build the fire. Even some of the girls join us, grabbing kindling. We’re a large group, so we need it to be pretty big.
An hour later, every girl has a hot dog on her skewer and her parents are helping her cook it over the fire. The twins each have one and I take turns helping them.
Brinley is across the fire, talking to a mom. Our eyes catch over the flames, and I can’t tear mine away. She’s so beautiful. The first time I saw her, I felt this pull in my heart, but I thought she already had someone. It wasn’t that long ago, but in some ways, it seems like a lifetime ago, as though I’ve known her far longer than I have.
Maybe we’re both too messed up to pursue anything. I mean, she’s a widow and needs extra care from the obviously traumatic loss of her husband, and I still harbor ill feelings toward marriage. Beyond that, I don’t see how I could be in a serious relationship with anyone once I reenlist. I give everything I have to my job, which doesn’t leave much for anyone else.
The girls love the hot dogs off the fire and some of them go back for seconds. Adults put out the other snacks they brought. Families sit together on the logs that the high schoolers must’ve put here for their bonfires.
“Now s’mores!” the leader shouts. “I’m told that Penelope’s dad has a big surprise for you all.”
Brinley glances at me, and I roll my eyes.
“Instead of Hershey’s bars, we’ve got peanut butter cups!” Drew holds up the orange package.
“Oh boy.” Brinley sighs.
“What?” Drew says, forehead creased.
“Don’t open that!” a woman screams from the far side of the fire.
“Relax, Ana, I have this,” the leader says to the screamer. “Drew, I think you may have forgotten, but we can’t have peanut butter due to allergies.”
“Oh, right.” Drew’s shoulders sink.
I feel bad for the guy. He really thought this was his moment to shine. I’m half tempted to console him, but Brinley is beelining right for him.
Well, fuck. Here I’ve been trying to impress her all afternoon and all it takes to get more of her attention is failure?
She talks to him for a few minutes, and they share a laugh that makes my jaw clench. I understand exactly how Brinley felt when she saw me with Sabrina and I don’t like it one bit.
Nineteen
Brinley
After the girls are asleep, I sneak outside to visit Van, where he’s waiting for the fire to go out completely. It’s down to embers with a few flames, but it’s calming fast. I’m sure Van knows how to put it out properly if he wants to come inside, so I’m curious why he’s out here.
“Hey, you,” I say quietly, trying not to startle him, but his body still jolts where he stands close to the fire, long stick in hand.
“Hey.”
“Did I spook you?” I step up so I’m shoulder to shoulder with him.
“Nah, not at all.” He looks down at me, his smirk saying he’s lying.
“Thanks for today. You made it a whole lot more fun for the girls.”
He chuckles and puts down the stick he’s poking the fire with. “Come sit with me. There’re no prying eyes here.” He sits on a log and I sit on his lap, putting my arms around his neck. “I wish things were different, Brinley. I wish I wasn’t leaving next month. I wish I was one of those guys who hated the military and wanted out, but it’s the only place I’ve ever really seen my worth.”
