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He laughs. “Not likely. So, how did you find out?”
“She told me how her husband died. It was easy to put two and two together. Then she showed me a picture, and I knew it was him.” My chest tightens as I remember my moment of realization.
“Did you fall in love with this girl?”
“Fall in love? Sir, it was a matter of weeks.”
I stare out his window at the new recruits doing their drills. I remember being so happy my first day. I had reliable lodging, food, and camaraderie—something I hadn’t had in years. I wonder if another poor bastard like me is in that group, ready to find his or her family here.
“People have fallen in love in a day,” he counters.
“Well, I’m not people.”
He drops his feet to the floor and spins his chair to face me directly. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“No.”
“Too bad. You’re scared. Ever since I had you in basic, I’ve felt this drive to guide you. I’ve read your file. I know you have no family. Hell, you wrote down a fake number and name for your emergency contact.”
I swallow deeply. “So what? I’m not the first seaman who had a shitty childhood.”
“No, you’re not. But you’re the one I took a vested interest in. You always went above and beyond, and the more praise I gave you, the harder you worked. You’ve been a model seaman and a mentor to many. My problem is you don’t see that. All you still see is whatever you were told when you were younger. And I’ve tried to rip that out of you.” He leans back. “I made you go on this leave because eventually, years from now, when you do retire from service, you’re going to wonder where the hell your life went and what you have to offer the world if you’re not diving into dangerous waters to save someone. I’ve seen it time and time again.”
“I don’t think I’m the dumbass my mom’s husband told me I was. But saving people… no one prepares you for the high of adrenaline when you bring someone to the helicopter alive. When you see their family rush to them and hug them, crying in happiness that they’re alive. And to know you’re responsible for that. It’s an incredible feeling.”
He nods. “It is. I don’t disagree, but if you get pulled out of that water, who’s running to the person who saved you, thankful you’re alive? I mean, besides me.” He raises both eyebrows. “This is why I’ve been so hard on you. Your first four years, you were exactly how you should be. Cocky, arrogant, felt you could save an elephant from drowning in the dead of winter, but these past four years, you’re chasing a ghost.”
“I’m not.” My voice is hard.
“What happened that night isn’t your fault. It was three drunk and high guys who panicked when their boat caught on fire. You did what you could, but it was out of your control. It was just a bad night, that’s all. Unfortunately, they happen.”
“Tell that to her,” I say. The look in Brinley’s eyes when she told me about the knock on her door will haunt me forever. “Tell that to the young bride who lost her husband. Lost her future. Lost her faith in what life has to offer. Tell her it was just a bad night.” I hear my voice rising and I know he won’t allow me to get away with it for long.
“That answers my first question.”
My forehead wrinkles. “What?”
“You do love her.”
“Like I said, it’s only been weeks. Besides, now that she’s found out the truth, she’ll never look at me and not blame me for her life changing four years ago.”
He stares at me for a long time, then picks up the packet of papers and tosses them at me. “Go ahead and sign them. I can see there’s no talking to you about this.”
“Finally.” I grab his pen and sign all the papers and initial where I need to, then shove them back his way.
“I’ll sign it as a witness and file it.” I stand and he holds up his hand to stop me from leaving. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? How you thought life gave you a gift those weeks while you were away, only for it to take the gift back. You’ve known your entire life that life isn’t fair, and maybe she didn’t know that until the death of her husband. That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. It’s just life. A twisting and turning road with obstacles, roadblocks, and cliffs. Everyone has a path to navigate. Some get an easy one and others a hard one. Don’t you think you’ve tortured yourself enough? Maybe it’s your turn for happiness. God knows you’ve paid it forward enough with all your saves.”
“Do you believe in soul mates, Commander?”
“I believe my wife came into my life when I needed her the most.”
I sense he has his own story, and that’s why he’s always been on my ass.
“She was mine,” I say. “In the deepest part of my heart, I know that’s the truth. She was my one.”
“Then it’s a shame you won’t fight for her like you fight for all those strangers in the water.”
I open my mouth but can’t find any words. “Let me know when to report.” I salute him.
