AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Dinner is fine.
I don’t often get to eat at Mamma Maria’s. Only twice since I’ve lived in Springfield, and one of those times was tonight. It’s a little too pricey for me, and if Louise hadn’t offered to take me out for my birthday a month ago, I never would’ve tried it in the first place.
We go dutch. It’s going to hurt my pocket a little, not going to lie. I didn’t want Dean to get the wrong idea, though. Since Carter, I’ve been super careful not to let any guy read too much into things I do or say. It fucked me over before, and I never want to be in that situation again.
When I make a move, it’ll be obvious. When I want the guy to shoot his shot, I’ll make that clear, too.
I like Dean. I think we could be friends. If he’s happy not pursuing his attraction to me, I wouldn’t mind spending more time with him. We have a few things in common. Neither one of us are Springfield locals—though he’s lived here a lot longer than me—and while my fixation is mostly flowers, I’ve never seen a guy so obsessed with trains. It’s actually kind of adorable.
He’s cute, too. I’ll give him that. With his shaggy, sandy-colored hair, and gentle green eyes, there’s something almost impish about him. He makes me feel safe. After everything I’ve been through, I need that.
Do I want to invite him up to my apartment and bang his brains out?
No.
Sorry.
If I’m going to break my years-long celibacy streak, it’s going to be with someone I can trust to treat me right. I had enough casual sex in my late teens to last me a lifetime. All that earned me were a couple of trips to the clinic to make sure I didn’t catch anything and, later, a bit of a reputation among my classmates.
I thought I could start over in Fairview. Focusing on my studies instead of dating, I made it three years before even keeping my head down wasn’t enough to protect me from horny guys who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer…
Dean did. When he invited me back to his place for “coffee”, disappointment flashed across his face when I declined, though he didn’t push his offer. Instead, mumbling something about having to open his hobby shop early tomorrow, he drove me straight home.
The car ride was a bit awkward. I think it finally hit him that I only agreed to the date because I was grateful to him for being there for me after my whole ordeal with Brick. That, or I thought of him as more of a prospective friend than any kind of lover. Conversing over dinner was a lot easier than the silence that filled the car. Good thing my apartment building is only a few minutes away by car.
I know my instincts about Dean wanting more than I do are right when he drops me off. Nice guys—good guys—at least stick around long enough for their dates to get inside safely, right? Especially in a city like Springfield, where I’m recent evidence that it’s not a brilliant idea to walk around some neighborhoods after dark.
He doesn’t. The second I climb out of his car, it’s like he remembered he had another appointment. With a quick honk, he pulls away from the curb, then disappears down the street.
A little bit stunned, I watch him until he makes a left, vanishing from my sight. Then, with a shake of my head, I turn toward home.
When I see the flashing lights out of the corner of my eye, I wince.
I have to admit, the attempted robbery is still too fresh. Even worse, I called the other day to follow up with pressing charges, and the person I spoke to had no idea what I was talking about. There was no record of it at all.
As for Brick, he’s a fixture on the streets. It’s how I even knew who he was, and why I was so shocked he would cut me with the knife. Shortly after I moved in, he told off some other guys for harassing me. I threw him a couple of dollars for a smoke. I thought we had some kind of rapport going—until two weeks ago.
I know he got arrested. Officer Burns made sure to stop by my place a couple of days after the attempted robbery to tell me himself. With that charming crooked grin of his, he stood on the porch of my building, and swore that Brick would pay for scaring me.
When he reached out, laying his hand along the side of my throat, casually checking my healing cut… yeah. I should’ve known better than to accept Dean’s date. Not when a dashing, powerful cop like Officer Burns is more my speed.
It’s nuts. Up until I met him, I had this… thing about cops. Putting it mildly, Ihatedthem. I hated them for not helping me when I needed them. I hated how privileged people can get away with murder—or attempted rape—and the rest of us poor, powerless folk are left to fend for ourselves.
I know it’s not just the police. It’s the institution as a whole. Everything, from the government down, is set up to screw regular people. I’ve long accepted that. The only things I can be responsible for are my own actions, and what I manifest in my journal.
I never wrote about a sweet train collector sweeping me off my feet. After tonight’s date, I don’t think I will.
He left me alone on my porch. With the flashing lights close enough to make me squint against their brightness, there’s probably trouble on my doorstep again. Before I get involved, I need to get inside.
I never get the chance.
Brakes squeal. They sound too close.
I refuse to turn around because, in Springfield, you can’t get in trouble if you didn’t see anything. It was like that in a lot of other places I used to live in. Some day, I hope to find a place where I can live away from these crowded cities. For a while, it seemed like hiding in plain sight was the best thing I could do for my nerves. Lately, I dream of a cozy little place far from the crowds and the danger and the people.
Out of habit, I tap my back pocket. I don’t often carry a purse when I’m on the streets. After what happened with Brick, I gave it up completely. Wallet in one pocket, phone in the other, I’m set just like that.
I’ve got my phone. Not many numbers to call stored inside of it, but it makes me feel better knowing it’s there.
