AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“We’re about to be single-white-femaled,” I said, swallowing hard. “I know it’s my fault, but I could not have anticipated this.”
“Huh?” Chelsea said. “What are you talking about?”
“You ever saw that movieSingle White Female, where she moved in with that girl and the girl was like psycho and obsessed with her and stalking her and wanted to be her or marry her or whatever?”
“No,” Chelsea said. “It doesn’t sound familiar.”
“Polly, have you seen it?”
“No. Why? What’s going on? Is one of the guests in love with you? Oh my gosh, which one? Not that old lady with the gray hair that has the streaks of purple, like she thinks it makes her look cool and hip, but it just makes her look like someone’s great-grandma.”
“No,” I said, glaring at her. “It’s Finn.”
“Finn?” Chelsea wrinkled her nose. “Is he like a woman or something?”
“No, he’s not a woman, but he’s obsessed with me.”
Holly and Chelsea both burst out laughing.
“Oh my gosh, Harriet. What are you going on about?”
“He basically just proposed to me and told me he wants me to have his babies and be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen cooking for him all the time.”
“What?” Polly said, shaking her head. “Does he know you can’t really cook?”
I just stared at her, and she shrugged.
“I mean, I’m just saying I wouldn’t want you barefoot and pregnant cooking in my kitchen. Shit. Could you imagine all the burn smells all day?” She shook her head.
“I could not imagine it. And the fire alarm would be going on every five seconds,” Chelsea said.
“Guys, you are not taking me seriously.”
“Oh, you’re being serious?” Chelsea rubbed her forehead for a couple of seconds. “Oh my gosh. What’s that smell?”
“Oh, no. The fish,” I said as I ran back over to the stove. I looked down at the fish that I had in the pan. This one was black as tar. “Fuck,” I said as I placed them on the plate. “I forgot the fish was in the frying pan.”
“Why are you frying fish that’s already been fried?” Polly said, shaking her head. “Does that make sense?”
“I think I get it,” Chelsea said, looking over at Polly.
“What are you talking about, Chelsea?” I said, annoyed.
“You’re the problem.”
“I am the problem?”
“Yeah. You’re the single white female. You’re obsessed with Finn, and you’ve roped us into your plan, and now it’s going terribly wrong, and you want to kidnap him or something and make him your sex slave, and we’re all going to go to jail because you’re a psycho.” Polly looked at Chelsea and then looked at me.
“How could you do this to us, Harriet?”
“You two are fucking idiots. You know that, right?” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not the fucking single white female. Finn is the single white female. Or the single white male or whatever. He’s a sociopath. He told me he wants to marry me and wants me to have his babies.”
“Are you sure he didn’t escape from a mental institute?” Chelsea said. “I mean, is he stupid?”
“I think we already gathered that he might be a little slow,” Polly said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I stared at her.
