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“I don’t know what to tell you,” I replied flatly. “I’m not even sure why you’re pissed, if I’m being honest.”
“Oh, we’re being honest, huh?” she said with a nasty laugh.
“Aren’t we always?”
“Then I guess if we’re beinghonest,” she muttered bitterly. “I didn’t realize you’dwantanyone else. Funny right? Ha. Ha.”
I froze.
“I mean,” she continued. “Just becauseIdon’t want to fuck anyone else doesn’t mean thatyou’redone sowing your oats or whatever.”
“Nova,” I murmured, my gut burning. “Fuck.”
“See,” she said, throwing her hands up again. “This isn’t what I want to be doing right now! Why can’t you just leave shit alone? Why does every conversation always have to be onyourtimetable? If you would’ve just given me a few fucking days, Jesus, even a fewhourswithout you up my ass, everything would’ve been fine.”
“Nova.”
“But no,” she spat. “You have to just keep pushing. You have to poke at it until it bleeds. I just wanted things to go back to being fine and they would’ve. If you would’ve just given me a fucking day to get my head on straight.”
Before she could step away from me, I was in her space, crowding her against the truck.
“Knock it off,” she snarled, pushing at my chest. “Justleave it, Rumi.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, ignoring her. My hands were on her shoulders, her neck, her face, her hair. “I’m sorry, No. I fucked up.”
“You didn’t fuck up,” she replied stubbornly. “I told you. I—”
Whatever she was about to say was lost when I kissed her. I couldn’t stand the look in her eyes. I couldn’t stand the shit she was saying. I hated that she thought she wasn’t enough. I hated that the entire time I’d been hooking up with Lauren, telling myself that everything was fine, I’d known that shit felt off. That I hadn’t really wanted to be there. I’d just been going through the motions because I was single and I should’ve wanted to be playing the field.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured against her mouth. “You’re fuckin’everything, No.”
“Stop,” she whispered. Her fingers were gripping my arms, but she wasn’t trying to push me away.
I kissed her again, my hands sliding down her sides until I gripped her waist. She winced.
“Rumi,” she said, finally shoving at my chest until I’d let her go. Her eyes were hazy and her mouth was swollen as she reached up to wipe it with the back of her hand. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t want to fuck other people,” I replied, the words coming out stilted.
“Do you want to be together?” she asked quietly, her eyes on mine.
“Uh—” I panicked.
“That’s what I thought,” she murmured, nodding as she looked away. “That’s fine.”
“I—”
“Rumi, don’t make shit worse, alright?”
“It’s not that I don’t love you, No, you know that. You’re my best friend,” I said clumsily, trying to move toward her again. She stopped me.
“Then let’s do that, okay?” she said softly, smiling at me. “Let’s just be friends, okay?”
“What?”
“Sex just muddies the waters.” Her eyes met mine. “We’re best friends, and I want to stay that way, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
