AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It takes a second for the words to register. When they do, I instinctively put distance between us. “What did you just say?”
He doesn’t seem to notice the shift in my mood, so he digs in deeper. “I mean that if she never awakens, her death will have been quick, which means her suffering was minimal. That’s a good thing, is it not?”
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammer, “I’m not ready to…I’m not going to consider that yet.”
He looks confused. “But you said last night that you did not want to watch her wither away. If she dies today, you will have avoided that. Her mind has not turned to mush. Not yet. And you will be able to remember the woman that she was before, right?”
If she dies todayandmushare the words I latch onto, and I feel my heart race as they play over and over again in my head. I can’t believe he would say that to me. Especially in the waiting room while she’s in surgery to have her fractured hip repaired and her brain swells inside her skull. What did he think telling me that would accomplish? Did he truly believe it would cheer me up to think of her dying here in a hospital instead of at home?
I can tell the moment he realizes he’s fucked up because he starts fidgeting with the folded cuffs of his dress shirt. “Samantha, I did not mean it in a bad way.”
“Oh, you didn’t mean it in a bad way?” I repeat, rolling my eyes. “Just because I don’t want to see her suffer doesn’t mean I want her to die today. Okay? I don’t want either outcome.”
He considers this, then tilts his head and gives me a look like he’s not done digging this hole. “But surely you realize that one of the two outcomes is likely to occur.”
Why is he doing this? Why is he trying to infuse logic into this moment? “I don’t care,” I bark out, my patience gone completely. “I don’t…I––can you just leave me the fuck alone, please?” It came out louder than I wanted it to, and now everyone in the waiting room is staring at us.
His face falls, and guilt twists my stomach. I didn’t mean to yell at him; I just can’t hear him list the reasons why my mom’s potential sudden death would be a positive thing. It doesn’t matter if his intentions were good when he started talking. His words have sliced through me, and now I can’t picture anything but her lifeless body inside a coffin.
“May I see you tonight?” he asks quietly, reaching for my hand.
I yank it away. “I don’t know.” Then I consider what recovery for this type of injury might look like. “No, I’m going to stay here until they say she can go home.”
He steps closer, shoving his hands in his pockets instead of reaching for me again. “Samantha, I am your boyfriend now. Don’t retreat. Let me in.”
“I can’t do this right now,” I tell him. My gaze drifts to Jackie and Marty. I can’t bring myself to look at Mylo right now. I know this will hurt him, but I don’t have the energy to prioritize his emotional needs over my mom who is barely clinging to life.
“This, as in this conversation? Or this relationship? Which of those can you not do?”
I let out a reluctant sigh. “Both.” Mom needs me here. Mylo will be fine.
He opens his mouth, obviously about to protest, when I whisper, “It’s not like your eyes have turned red for me. This was just a fun fling. We’re not meant to be.” I hate saying the words, but it’s not as if they’re untrue. If I were his mate, wouldn’t we both know by now?
The fact that his eyes are still that deep gray with flecks of gold means his mate is still out there. And what happens when they meet? If we were still together when that happened, he’d choose her in an instant, and I’d be left behind with my heart broken.
Besides, I didn’t want to get attached to him in the first place. I should never have asked him to that wedding. Then I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be his. I’d have no idea how it feels to be held in his arms in the middle of a crowded dance floor, with every woman’s eyes on him while his eyes remain on me––gazing at me like I’m the only star in the sky.
A muscle in his jaw ticks as he nods somberly. “Very well. I shall go.”
I want to hug him and tell him I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what I’d be apologizing for. He shouldn’t have said what he said even if he was trying to make me feel better. He’s been on this planet long enough to know better.
Even if he hadn’t said those things, my mom has a long road to recovery after that fall. I doubt I’ll have enough free time for a relationship anyway.
I watch him leave until he turns a corner and disappears from sight, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Those thoughts center around that damn baby gate, and how having it installed would’ve prevented this entire nightmarish mess.
CHAPTER 12
SAM
Once Mom’s procedure is over, and her vitals remain stable, the doctor tells us the surgery was a success, but stresses that she’s not out of the woods yet. The swelling in her brain needs to go down, and that could take days.
I spend the next twenty-four hours in the dress I wore to Nate’s wedding, dozing on and off in the chair next to Mom’s bed until Jackie returns to the hospital with a change of clothes she picked up at the house. “I’m so glad Dan cleaned the stairs. Didn’t prevent me from breaking down the moment I opened the door, though,” she says with a deprecating smirk and a sniffle. “Here, go change.” She hands me the bag, containing fresh underwear, socks, a pair of baggy sweatpants, and an oversized T-shirt. “You look like a prom queen that got lost in the woods and found twenty years later.”
I chuckle as I walk barefoot across Mom’s hospital room and into the small adjoining bathroom.
“There’s deodorant in there too,” Jackie notes. “Do us all a favor and put some on, will you?”
I come back out a few minutes later and stay standing. I feel like I’ve been sitting for an eternity. My body wants to move, so I allow it to pace. Jackie yawns as she takes my chair. “When did Marty leave?” she asks.
