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Dropping my head forward and closing my eyes, I let the memory of her voice wash over me, cleansing my heart of everything that has happened since she’s gone away.
* * *
“Once upon a time, there was a Princess, whose father, the King, ruled his empire with an iron fist. The Princess had everything she could ever have even dreamed of wanting. Until one day, a Prince from a faraway land arrived at the palace. They immediately fell wholly and irrevocably in love with one another, but the King didn’t believe in their love, proclaiming that they were too young and foolish to know their own hearts and minds, so he sent the Princess away for many years.
The Prince and Princess wrote letters of love to one another in their time apart, falling deeper in love with each passing day. Their passion had started as a spark, and although the winds of time tried to extinguish that tiny ember, their forced separation fed the fledgling flame, allowing their devotion to grow to unreachable heights.
After a time, the Prince, a good and noble man with the courage of conviction and the strength of his love driving his actions, returned to the King to tell him he wouldn’t rest until he had taken the Princess for his own and the King, pleased that both of them had passed his test, happily gave his daughter to her Prince. So they lived in a never-ending cycle of happiness until one day; the Princess discovered she was having a little Prince of her own, and it was from that day forward, the Princess discovered the meaning of undying love.”
* * *
I wasn’t so little that I didn’t realise she was telling me the story of how she had met my father, even though I didn’t understand the details. The part I loved hearing was how she meant her undying love was for me, and though it didn’t ease the pain of her death, it did dull it ever so slightly, knowing that she would love me from wherever she had gone to after she’d closed her beautiful brown eyes.
Raising my head, I take in my bedroom, checking to see if there’s anywhere I can relieve myself after Nanny Lauren’s threats have left me too scared to leave the confines of my room, but unfortunately, there’s nothing. She’s meticulous about enforcing a tidy bedroom.
Knowing that if I wet these clothes, the punishment will indeed surpass all previous infractions, I choose what I think is the lesser of two evils. So, slipping off the pinchy black shoes, I tiptoe on stockinged feet to the door before pressing down on the handle, praying to a God I’m not sure is listening, especially after all the unanswered prayers I’d sent up to him to save Mum, that she doesn’t catch me.
The door opens easily into a thankfully empty hallway, the only visible light coming from much further down the long, dark corridor. Slipping into the bathroom several doors down and opposite my parents’ bedroom, I quickly do my business before washing up and checking the hall once again.
This time the light is brighter, and I can hear music floating up the stairs from somewhere below. A small smile creases my face as I wonder if, perhaps, my dad has finally emerged from his office, and, helpless to stop myself, my feet move closer and closer to the top of the enormous staircase.
Crouching low, I try to figure out where the soft laughter is coming from as I hear two voices speaking quietly, laughing together at times, and I couldswearI catch a hint of my mother’s perfume along the balustrade.
I’m desperately hoping these last few days have been a bad dream. That my parents are both alive and happy together downstairs.
Thatshenever entered our home.
Just as I’m about to throw caution to the wind and go down there, I hear Nanny Lauren shout the F-word loudly and clearly. My dad’s answering low tone is one I’ve never heard from him before.
Knowing she’s down there, I can’t risk her punishment. They get worse each time, so shutting off the yearning in my heart, I quickly and quietly return to the safety of my bedroom and force my mind to push this night to its furthest recesses, never to be thought of again.
