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Depression.
Then, the darkness consumed me, and I willingly gave myself over to its numbing embrace.
Time passes, or maybe it doesn’t. I feel nothing. I’m in a waking sleep, hearing people come and go around me, but nothing matters beyond the veil of a soul-deep darkness that surrounds me.
It has become its own entity in the black void I’ve sunk into.
And still, light finds a way.
The bed dips at my back as I feel Alex lie down beside me, rousing me from my half-sleep.
I feel removed, almost as though I’m floating above my bed, staring down at the scene unfolding rather than being an actual participant.
Alex smooths my knotty hair back from my face, his hand lingering on my shoulder for a beat before encouraging me to roll over onto my back.
His concern-filled eyes rake across my face and his jaw tics. “Rey, this can’t continue. It’s been three weeks.”
I blink heavily, expelling a breath as my chest tightens.
Three weeks without her. A lifetime to go. And I can’t find the strength inside of me to rise like I know I need to.
“Something has to give, Rey. You’re not eating. You’re barely drinking. I’ve watched you grieve for three weeks, and every day you’ve drifted further away.” Alex’s brow creases, and he blows out a breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit here and do nothing anymore. I can’t watch you disappear right before my eyes.”
He raises himself to kneel on the bed before scooping me up into his arms, and there’s a crack in the shroud that has been my safe haven these past weeks.
“Hey, put medown!”
He doesn’t listen, instead standing and marching toward the ensuite, where he unceremoniously dumps me onto my ass in the freestanding shower before turning it on.
“What the fucking hell!” My shriek of outrage echoes throughout the space as cold water rains down on me.
Alex steps in with me, kneeling beside me on the tiled floor with a pained expression. “She wouldn’t want you to mourn like this, Sunshine.”
He clasps my face in his warm palms as I slam my eyes shut against the welling emotions that I long to suppress, even for just a while longer.
“Please, Rey. If not for yourself, then forher. Let me help you.”
My eyes open as icy water drips from my lashes, mingling with the tears I can no longer restrain.
Emotion bubbles up my throat, almost choking me as a keening cry spills from my lips, and the dam bursts.
“I—I can’t. I—” I gulp air frantically, trying to fill my lungs, but even so, I feel like I’m suffocating.
Alex places a palm on my heaving back as my despair takes over, and all the feelings I’ve withheld slam into me like a freight train. Harsh sobs wrack my frame as the water pours over both of us. Alex sits on the wet floor before gathering me in his arms, cradling me in the comfort of his strong embrace.
My cries eventually turn to hiccuping sobs, mostly drowned out by the sound of the water splashing over us, and I lift my head from Alex’s shoulder to find his eyes filled with tears of his own, his face stained with the color of his emotions.
I press my palm to his flushed cheek, and he swallows harshly as he brings up a hand to softly grip my wrist.
“Please don’t leave me, Rey.” The desperation in his tone rests heavily on my heart as his voice drops to a whisper. “Ican’tlose you.”
We sit in silence for a long while until a shiver wracks my body.
He shifts me from his lap before adjusting the water temperature.
“Are you up to taking a shower?”
I nod gratefully as the water begins to heat, warming my icy skin.
