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The fury that exploded from deep inside me shocked my system. My face felt flushed with anger I struggled to control as he helped me from the car to the sidewalk. I looked at him over from head to toe.
“What exactly is wrong with my choice of clothing?”
“Nothing, if you're going to the grocery store, doing a bit of shopping, or visiting friends for a casual get-together. My office is different, and I need you to dress the part to fit in and survive.”
There was no way I could believe what I heard him saying. “You're a pompous ass, James Renegade, and you have no right to judge how I dress or who I am.”
I stormed past him and headed for the elevator, determined to beat him to the room and bolt the door closed.
Let the fool sleep in the hallway. I never even told him why I am so afraid to fly.
I couldn’t believe what James was saying to me. First, he took me to meet his crazy partner, who also turns out to be his brother and a very rude man. Then, he tells me my clothing is unacceptable to wear to his office and I need a whole new wardrobe, instead of discussing with me what he’d like me to wear and seeing if I have clothing like that already.
I needed space, I needed to put my distance between James and me. I needed to breathe the fresh, cool air and look at the snow. After the car stopped, I jumped out and didn't waste any time explaining because James had a way of luring me into bed with sweet words and fantasies that aligned with my own sexual wants and needs.
I walked as quickly as I could with no clue where I was going. It was getting severely late, and I knew I shouldn’t go very far. I only needed to put some distance between him, and I so I could think clearly and plan my next move.
James could be so annoying, so insanely annoying, and rude, just like his brother. Anger flashed so hotly through my brain I wanted to run to the nearest thrift store and buy the gaudiest, disgusting outfit I could find and wear it on my first day of work at his office.
By the time I got three blocks over, I realized I was in the wrong. I was taking the wrong approach. I needed to head back to the hotel before something bad happened to me because it was so late at night.
With a quick turn on my shaky high heels, I headed back to the hotel and tried my best to rationalize what it was about my clothing that was so unappealing. I wore high heels when I needed to, I dressed cleanly and tried to pick clothing that accentuated my figure.
As I turned the corner into the doors of the Made Hotel, I came to a conclusion. Even though James and his very annoying brother irritated me beyond words, it was too late in the game for me to change plans.
I was leaving for California with him tomorrow, and if I had to go shopping with James to make him feel better, I was going to do that so I could give this new career my best shot. Thankfully, James wasn’t waiting for me, and when I entered the room, he wasn’t there either. I was safe for the night.
I took a shower and buried myself under the covers with the TV blaring as I tried to sleep. Morning came so quickly it felt like I’d just closed my eyes when I got a text message on my phone.
Good morning, Gwen. I hope you’ve cooled down a bit. Our flight leaves soon, and I’m sorry if I upset you. I need you to dress appropriately and in a way that aligns with my office. It’s important that you get along with everyone in my office as we all work closely together. If you would feel better going shopping with Martie, you can do that too. I just need you to change your wardrobe a bit. I need fresh styles and things that speak to the people we work with. You have to understand, I sell accessories. I can’t have you dressing in last year's fashions while trying to market and sell this year's line of handbags. It doesn't work.
James had a point, so I let it go and sent him a message back.
I understand that now. If you had taken the time to explain to me why, I wouldn’t have been so upset. I would prefer to go with Martie, thank you. I will be ready shortly and meet you in the lobby soon.
He replied quickly.
I must add that explaining that to a woman who acts before she thinks, has a temper, and is a bit of a hothead is next to impossible. I’ve learned since that for some women, and that includes you, space is best until you come back from hell.
His words hit home with me. I understood completely what he was talking about. I knew I had a temper, and at times, my anger could come out of nowhere, especially when I felt attacked, but it was never unwarranted. James Renegade always rubbed me the wrong way and brought out the worst in me.
Then stop finding that shiny red button and pushing it. Find a better way to communicate with me in the first place, and none of this will happen.
I was being petty, struggling to get the last word, and doing it with a man who had a quick comeback for everything was something I shouldn’t be doing, but there I was, pushing his buttons. When he didn't reply this time, I left well enough alone, even if it was extremely hard to not poke and prod at him.
It was time for us to leave for the airport and my nerves were on edge. “I’m so nervous to fly, I get panic attacks. I didn't tell you why, but I’m not about to get into it right now.”
James said nothing, but the concern on his face told me his thoughts. My nerves weren’t too bad as we were preoccupied with our little conversation until we got to the airport, and it was time for me to board the plane.
Suddenly, my nerves spun out of control. My insides were shaking with fear, and I had a hard time holding the handle of my luggage until we got to the baggage check.
“How are you feeling? It’s going to be a long flight, but we can go over everything that’s to come while we're sitting in first class. If there is anything I can do, let me know. Why are you so afraid anyway?”
James' barrage of questions told me he was just as nervous as I was at that moment. He kept watching me, as if to see how I was feeling and to maybe get an idea what I was thinking.
“Stop asking me how I’m feeling. This flight has to be taken to get me to California, so let’s just get it over with, but if I have a panic attack, you’d better be prepared. While we wait to board the plane, you might want to do a bit of reading up on panic attacks and anxiety and how to deal with it on an airplane.”
I sat down in a chair and watched the airplane we were about to board. I avoided thinking about turbulence, how high we would be flying, or how long the flight would be. If I focused too heavily on those things, I’d never get on the plane. If James thought he knew me well and he could help me avoid a panic attack, he was only going to make things worse for us both.
