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“Dude,” Chase said wincing, “You’re yelling.”
“I am?” I laughed. “Oh, Man, I’m sorry. I’ve gotten so used to whispering around the house so I don’t wake Kenlee, I guess I forgot what it was like to talk at a normal volume.”
“You’re good,” he said, clapping me on the back. “Just forget about all that stuff for a while. Tonight is about you.”
Chase and I had two more drinks before deciding to play pool. I definitely felt relaxed and maybe even a little buzzed. Chase laughed when I accidentally stumbled over my words.
“Damn, Zane, what happened to you? You could always drink the rest of us under the table and now you’re slurring after three drinks,” he said, racking balls for the game.
Not caring that I was slurring, I told him very confidently, “Life. Life is what happened. You can’t exactly take care of a baby when you’re drunk or hungover. I have to be on the ball at all times so the hardest thing I touch these days is Monster Absolute Zero.”
“But not tonight. Tonight, I am going to drink until I am shit-faced and deal with the consequences tomorrow.” I laughed and patted him on the back.
“Awesome! That’s what I like to hear,” he said. Yelling across the bar to Jake, he told him, “Hey, Jake. A round of shots over here and make them strong!”
I took my first pool shot and sank it into the corner pocket. When I came up, Chase nudged me. “Hey, that cute redhead has been eying you since you got here. You should go talk to her,” he said encouragingly.
Even though I’d been drinking, the thought of flirting with another woman still felt like cheating. “I don’t know, it still feels wrong,” I told him.
“Come on, Zane, it isn’t like you have to marry her. Just have a conversation and see where it goes. Don’t take this the wrong way, but Sarah wouldn’t expect you to be alone for the rest of your life,” he said as nicely as he could.
“I know that. I’m just not sure. Let’s play another game while I think about it, okay,” I pleaded.
“Sure. Take your time,” he said, racking the balls for the next game.
After two shots of Fireball and another whiskey neat, I found myself not only talking to the redhead but in the bathroom making out with her like I was back in high school. How no one walked in on us is beyond me, but I had a feeling Chase took care of that. He was always a good wingman. I focused my attention back on the sexy vixen in front of me. She tasted like lemon and sugar from the lemon drop martinis she had been drinking all night. It had been so long since I’d touched or kissed a woman and I enjoyed it probably more than I should’ve. That was, I was enjoying myself until she suggested we get out of there and finish this back at her place. It was no longer just a make-out session in a bar but an invitation for sex. Sarah’s face immediately appeared in my mind and I was overcome with guilt.
How could I betray her like this? What was I thinking?
I pushed the girl away, trying to be respectful.
“No, I can’t. Look, you’re great but I just can’t. Please don’t ask me to explain,” I said, making my way to the door. I found Chase, thanked him for the drinks, and told him I needed to leave.
“Are you okay? What happened? I thought you two were hitting it off,” he stated curiously.
“I’m fine and we were. I just need to go. It’s just too much and I need some air,” I said as I grabbed my jacket and headed to the exit.
“Yeah, Man. Okay. Text me when you get home, okay,” he said.
“Sure thing. Thanks again and I’m sorry for bailing,” I told him.
“It’s ok, Zane. I’m just glad you came at all,” he said reassuringly.
I stumbled a few times on my way home thinking over the events of the night.
How could I make out with a stranger five months after Sarah’s death?
I shuddered at the thought of how much of a scum bag I would be if I had actually gone home with her. I tried to put it out of my mind but couldn’t. I felt like the biggest piece of shit on earth. I unlocked my door, threw the keys on the table, kicked off my shoes, and fell onto the couch where I spent the rest of the night crying before finally passing out.
Chapter Six
Katya
Iwokewiththerealization that today would be no different from all the others except I hopefully wouldn’t get yelled at by a guest today. I better not, at least. I didn’t think my nerves could take it. Yawning and stretching my arms above my head, I sat up, slipped on my house shoes and robe, and headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. Aleks could’ve helped me make breakfast, just like he could’ve helped me do a lot of things, considering he didn’t have a ‘job’ so to speak, but I had long since given up on hope of that ever happening. That morning, however, I had a plan to keep him from eating my food when I wasn’t in the room. I would stash my plate in the oven so that he wouldn’t see it, and so it would stay warm while I went about my morning tasks.
Sure, it was a little childish, but I was doing what I had to, because I couldn’t go through another work day with an empty stomach.
Once the sausage biscuits were ready, I went to the bathroom to get ready for work. My eyes were bloodshot from crying yesterday afternoon and visible circles had formed underneath. Today definitely called for concealer. After I was dressed, I ate my breakfast and made sure Luca’s lunch was in his backpack and that he finished all his food. Then I kissed him goodbye, nodded to Aleks, and headed off to work.
