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‘Thank you, Alun. That’s kind of you,’ she said. ‘Liz and I were just having a bit of a heart-to-heart.’
‘Oh, I won’t interrupt. Girl talk, and all that.’ Alun nodded. ‘I just thought you might need something to dry your eyes. I know you ladies don’t like to spoil your makeup.’
‘Thank you.’ Liz took the hanky and wiped her eyes. ‘That’s so sweet.’
‘Not a bit of it. I rather miss being there to supply hankies, mints, that kind of thing, since my Elsie passed,’ Alun replied. ‘And may I say, whatever it is, dear, you’ll rise above it. I can see you’re a strong one, just like our Gretchen.’
‘Thank you, Alun,’ Gretchen said, firmly. ‘I’ll see you later, at bridge.’
‘Looking forward to it.’ Alun straightened his bow tie, and nodded politely to them both before going over to the coffee machine.
‘Sorry about that,’ Gretchen muttered. ‘Some of these men can’t stand to see a lady in distress, that’s all it is. It’s rather sweet, really, but they don’t always know when to keep their distance.’
‘Oh, no, I didn’t mind at all,’ Liz protested. ‘What a lovely man.’
‘Well, look. I was just going to say, before Alun decided you needed saving,’ Gretchen rolled her eyes, ‘you must remember that you didn’t lose Paul because you couldn’t have a baby. It sounds like he was very supportive in the whole process. It was more that the whole thing was so overwhelming that it was just a huge pressure on your relationship. And, if he got distant with you, then he just got to the place where it was too much for him. You didn’t fail him. Things just didn’t work out, that’s all.’
‘He thought I wastoo much.’ Liz picked up on the phrase that haunted her life. ‘Other men did, too. I was too successful. Too confident. I don’t know. I never understood it. It’s like saying you’re too nice or too kind. Madness.’
‘Ah. That old chestnut.’ Gretchen raised an eyebrow. ‘I heard that plenty from men in my life too. What you have to realise is they’re not saying we’retoo much. They’re worried that theyaren’t enough. No real man would ever worry he wasn’t enough for a woman like you. He’d just be delighted to be around you, you mark my words.’
‘Did you find someone who didn’t think you were too much?’ Liz asked her.
‘Of course I did. More than one. Legions.’ Gretchen chuckled. ‘You just have to stop trying to be someone you’re not and they’ll flock to you, I promise. For as many men in the world who want a little woman, there are just as many that adore a powerful one.’
‘Hmmm. I want to believe that.’
‘You should. I lived it. I know,’ Gretchen sniffed. ‘It’s never the ones you expect, either. Often the younger ones went for me. They liked that I had money, confidence, my own life. That I didn’t need anything from them. That was…’ Gretchen lowered her voice ‘Super sexyto them. Believe me.’ She winked.
‘Oh, goodness.’ Liz let out a loud giggle. ‘Gretchen!’
‘What? Just being truthful.’ Gretchen gave her a ‘cat that got the cream’ look.
‘Did you want kids? Do you have any?’ Liz asked.
‘Yes. I had a daughter. I adopted her when I was in my mid-thirties. People thought I was mad, as a single working mother.’ Gretchen looked sad. ‘But I got to the stage where I knew I wasn’t going to settle down with anyone and have a family. And I wanted to work. So, I adopted.’
‘That’s really nice to hear. Obviously, Paul and I considered it. I just… I had the very strong instinct that I wanted my own child. My own flesh and blood,’ Liz admitted.
‘Of course! Adoption isn’t easy, but it suited me at the time. It wouldn’t suit everyone.’
‘Do you have any other family?’ Liz asked.
‘I have a grandson, who I see now and again, but not much. He’s too busy, off living his life,’ she chuckled, dryly. ‘Still, he’s a good boy. My daughter – Stella – died a couple of years ago. Car accident.’ Gretchen stared out of the large bay window in the day room onto the gardens beyond. ‘He hasn’t wanted to see me much, since then. I don’t know why. He’s just coping with it in his own way, so I’m not going to push him.’
‘Oh, no. I’m so sorry to hear that.’ Liz held Gretchen’s hand. Her heart ached for the other woman.
‘It’s been very hard.’ Gretchen looked back at Liz, and Liz could see the difficult emotions she was struggling to keep under control. ‘She was fifty. She had an extreme nut allergy, and the doctors said that she must have accidentally eaten something containing nuts when she was driving. I mean, she would never have knowingly eaten anything nutty. But anyway, she went into sudden anaphylactic shock while driving, and there was an impact. She died almost immediately, they told me.’ Gretchen took in a shaky breath. ‘There was a sandwich in the car with her. It must have been in that.’
‘Oh, God, Gretchen! That’s terrible! Did you … I mean, you could sue the company, if it said there weren’t nuts in it.’ Liz was appalled. You heard about these freak accidents, but you never thought they’d happen to you, or anyone you knew.
‘I was eighty at the time, dear. I didn’t have it in me to sue anyone.’ Gretchen gave her a brave smile. ‘And I was grieving. I still am. I miss her so much.’
‘I can only imagine. What was she like?’ Liz asked, gently.
‘Beautiful. She was always beautiful. I adopted her when she was two. Never any trouble. She went to full time daycare when she was little, because I was working. We lived in Edinburgh then, and then we moved back to the cottage when she started school. I had a nanny come and pick her up from school, make her dinner and all that, and I’d always be back by six-thirty. I made sure I put her to bed every night.’ Gretchen smiled at the memory. ‘We read so many books. I was definite that I was going to instil a love of books in her, and I did. She grew up to be a librarian.’
‘She sounds great.’ Liz held Gretchen’s hand tightly. ‘I’m so sorry you lost her. It’s unthinkable.’
