AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘I do.’ Rory frowned. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? Would you like a glass of water? I’m sorry if what I said was triggering for you in some way… I can be thoughtless.’ He went to the cupboard next to the sink and took out a glass, filling it under the cold tap and bringing it back to the kitchen island. ‘Here. Drink this.’ He watched her take a sip.
‘I’m all right, Rory. Really,’ Carrie protested. ‘It’s just…’ She paused for a moment. ‘I just have a lot I’m dealing with at the moment,’ she finished, lamely.
‘Do you want to talk about Claire?’ He reached out and put his hand on hers. ‘I’m a good listener too. It’s a sign of someone who’s been therapised to death, but I’ve learnt how to listen and ask the right questions. I think, anyway.’ He gave her a gentle smile.
Carrie looked up at him, desperately trying to blink back the tears that filled her eyes. ‘I can’t right now. I know I just asked you to explain yourself, but for me it’s too soon. I’m sorry.’
‘Never be sorry for your feelings, Carrie,’ Rory murmured, and he squeezed her hand.
Despite the fact that she felt awful, Carrie felt a warmth in Rory’s presence, and his hand on hers felt… right. She really did feel better for that one small touch.
Rory moved to sit down on the stool next to hers. ‘By the way, could I ask you not to tell anyone I go to a therapist? It’s not something I broadcast,’ he said.
‘Of course, I won’t,’ Carrie replied, seriously. ‘The important thing is that you’re working through whatever it is. I’m hardly a good example of how to do that. I moved up here to run away from it all. So, I’d never judge someone else.’
She thought briefly about her conversation with June, about becoming a nurse. Rory had said to her, before, that he could imagine her being one. She wondered whether she’d be any good at listening to people’s problems; the bedside manner, as it was called. It was true that she didn’t believe in judging anyone else, now, not after what she’d been through. Was that enough to make her good at a job like that? She’d have to have the training, of course. But she thought, maybe, that shecoulddo it. And the thought filled her with a thread of hope.
‘That’s a very kind point of view.’ Rory picked up her coffee mug. ‘Refill? I’ve got some biscuits too, if you want. You look a bit peaky.’
‘Thanks. I’d love a refill.’ Carrie nodded. ‘What did you mean, ways you used to cope?’
‘Agh, Carrie.’ Rory shook his head as he turned away to go through the same procedure of coffee-making as before. ‘I just meant the ways I used to manage my emotions, back then. I used to do things to hurt myself on purpose if I was depressed or felt low. Act recklessly on manoeuvres and missions. I wanted to get hurt. Like it would be a distraction, or something.’ He took in a deep breath and let it go slowly.
‘It was a dark time for me. Not edifying. I’ve left that guy in the past. Still, I’m worried when I go back, that I might feel like that again. I don’t think I will, but I haven’t been put in an extreme situation for a long time. I’ve been playing it safe, here in Loch Cameron.’
‘Believe me, I’ve done some unedifying things in my life,’ Carrie said, grimly.
And when you need me in the dead of night,I’m just a minute away… ooh, ooh
Carrie. Turn it off. I need to concentrate.
The air con isn’t working. The screen’s fogging up.
She closed her eyes, as if she could stop the scene repeating before them.
‘I guess you won’t know until you go,’ she offered, after a moment. ‘What does your therapist think?’
‘She says she thinks I’ll be okay as long as I stay present and focused. I’ve been meditating a lot, and I can also have remote sessions with her, which I’m going to do weekly, if I can.’
‘Will you be able to get WiFi underwater, or wherever you’re going to be?’
‘Haha. I will be spending some time on dry land. I’m not a fish.’ He handed her a new cup of coffee, opened a drawer and took out a packet of plain digestives.
‘Not the chocolate ones?’ she asked, attempting to lighten the mood.
‘No. Plain only. The manly choice.’ He cracked a smile. ‘Sorry. I feel like I just kind of vomited all of my trauma onto you. You thought you were here for a friendly coffee.’
‘That’s all right.’ Carrie took a biscuit from the packet. ‘Remember when I freaked out on you the other day, in the car? Plus, if anything, I suppose I feel like I know you a bit better.’
‘Please don’t worry about the other day. But it’s a relief to know you don’t think your boss is some kind of maniac.’
‘I don’t. Anyway, you won’t be my boss for much longer, as it turns out.’ She raised her eyebrows playfully.
‘I know. But, to be clear, I’m not sacking you, I just have to put you on paid leave for a while. But… either way… I don’t want you to think badly of me.’ Rory held her gaze for a moment before looking away.
Is there something more than friendliness behind that look? she wondered.Am I imagining it, or was there an intensity there?Carrie again felt a connection blazing between them. It was a sensation she hadn’t ever felt with anyone else: it was as though time slowed, and she and Rory were the only two people on the planet.
‘I don’t,’ she said, shortly, looking away and breaking the moment.
