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June reached into her capacious brown leather handbag and handed Carrie a pack of tissues. ‘You will,’ she said. ‘It’s very common to feel the way you do after losing a loved one. Whatever the situation, when we love someone, we always feel that we could have done something to help them. We could have stopped them suffering. But the truth is that the world is full of suffering. All we can do is be there for each other and be the best sisters, friends, mothers that we can be. And offer the rest up to God.’
‘Do you think it’s possible for someone to recover, after that kind of loss?’ Carrie asked June. ‘She was my sister. We were so close. I’ve even been hearing her voice in my head since she died. I miss her so much.’ Her voice cracked again, but she controlled it.
‘Of course you do, darling. And, yes, you’ll recover. You’ll always miss her, of course, but there will be a time when you realise you haven’t thought about the loss of her for a while. And, more and more, when you think of her, which will be often, it will only be the good things. The times she made you laugh, or the sweet times you spent together as children. Time heals all wounds.’ June gave Carrie a gentle smile. ‘Take it from someone old.’
‘Thanks, June. You’re an amazing nurse.’ Carrie blew her nose. ‘I wish I could be just like you.’
‘Well, there’s nothing stopping you,’ June said, back to her normal brisk self. ‘Just remember that.’
THIRTY
‘So, what d’you think?’ June turned around on her piano stool to Dr Dan, who was perched on one of the community centre’s plastic chairs.
‘Bravo!’ He clapped enthusiastically. ‘I had no idea you were all so good!’
Carrie had almost not recognised Dr Dan when he’d tiptoed into the hall while they were all halfway through ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, mostly because instead of the doctor’s uniform of a loose, blue, short-sleeved top and trousers, he was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt with a rainbow unicorn on the front and sunglasses, which he removed when he walked in and sat down.
Carrie had been concentrating on her part in the song – June had assigned her and Angus to sing it as a duet, and the rest of the choir to support – and when they got to the end, she knew she’d done a good job. There was that same feeling of catharsis, of freedom, of the letting go of feelings.
She let out a long, satisfied sigh.
Singing just feltgood.
‘Hi, Dr Dan.’ Carrie waved, going over to say hello. ‘I didn’t know you were visiting. Just in the neighbourhood, or you’re a big Bonnie Tyler fan and couldn’t resist as you walked past?’
‘You were awesome, Carrie!’ Dan gave her a hug. ‘No, June asked me to pop in. We were thinking about doing a concert for patients at the hospital and she wanted me to see the kind of thing you were doing. I have to say, I’m impressed!’
‘Oh, thanks.’ Carrie felt a little self-conscious, but the praise was nice to hear. ‘We’ve been working on our power ballad medley. It’s fun. Blows out the cobwebs.’
‘I can see that. You look all flushed and sparkly!’ Dan laughed. ‘And, Angus! Resplendent!’
‘Oh, thank ye,’ Angus chuckled as he walked past. ‘But Carrie did all the work. I was just the pretty face, aye.’
‘Ha. Indeed.’ Dan grinned. ‘So, Carrie. Are you going to come and train with us, at the hospital? I can probably wangle it for you to do at least some of the on-the-job stuff with us, if you wanted. We’re chronically understaffed, so please know that I’m being completely selfish in offering that.’
‘I don’t know. I’ve thought about it a bit. Looked into doing a nursing degree. It’s something I always wanted.’ Carrie watched as the other choir members milled around the tea urn. ‘It seems like it would be hard, though. I still don’t know if I’ve got it in me. I’m not like June.’
‘Who is, darling?’ Dan fluttered his eyes, making Carrie smile. ‘That woman is a legend. But she learnt to be a nurse. She didn’t come out of the egg knowing the phrase “Just a sharp scratch”.’
‘That’s true, I suppose.’
‘Yes, it is. Listen. Yes, the training is hard. Yes, the job is horrendously long hours and even more horrifyingly low pay. There are days when I wonder why I’m doing it. But you do know, in your heart. I know. Because if I wasn’t doing it, it would feel wrong. Being a doctor fulfils something in me. A need to help others. You have that in you, too. I can see it.’
‘How can you see it?’ Carrie asked, mystified.
‘I just can.’ Dr Dan made a twinkly gesture with his fingers around her head. ‘It’s in your aura. If I believed in such things.’
‘Well, thanks. I think,’ Carrie chuckled.
‘Do look into the nursing degree. You’re still young enough and you can get help with the money side of things these days. I can help with recommending good places to study. But if you’re worried about not getting onto the course, don’t be. They’d snap you up.’ Dan gave her an earnest look. ‘I’m serious. I think it’s important to encourage people into the profession, if they think it’s for them.’
‘That’s reassuring. Thanks, Dr Dan.’
‘Dan, please. And, like I said, I’m also being selfish here.’ He shrugged.
‘So. Are we good enough for the patients?’ June came to stand next to Carrie and flicked Dan her curious, birdlike glance. ‘You two look thick as thieves.’
‘You’rewonderfulfor the patients, Junie,’ Dan said, enveloping June in a hug. ‘I was just saying to Carrie that we’d love to have you all come down to the hospital for a bit of a sing-song. And I was trying to persuade Carrie to start her nursing degree, too.’
