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I wanted his reality, his secrets, but I now wish for a dead end. This road is too heartbreaking, and I’m roaming along the sidewalks of guilt. He has to go through all of the motions with me now even though he wanted to do them with someoneelse.
“You don’t expect to lose your wife that young,” he continues. “You don’t expect your daughter to be motherless at six. We were fucking robbed, and I didn’t take advantage of spending all my time with her, protecting her, until life broke in and took her fromme.”
His vulnerability shocks me. It’s comforting to see a flash of something other than anger spark out of him. His hurt opens up emotions in me, and I’m holding myself back from bursting into tears at the sight of this broken man. I’m fighting back the urge to reach out and console him. To let him know everything will beokay.
But I can’t, for fear of falling harder for a man who’s unavailable. When I fall in love, I fall hard, and that’s my weakness. People that love as deep as I do get their hearts shattered harder when it all fallsapart.
He blows out a stressed breath and focuses on me in pain. He tilts his lips up into a forced smile. “And here I said I’d give you a goodtime.”
“You’re fine. I like this Dallas,” I answer,honestly.
He rubs the back of his neck. “You like me being a miserablebastard?”
“I like you being real,” I correct. I’ve never evoked emotions like this out ofanybody.
“This is as real as it gets. This is me, and I wish I could be someone better foryou.”
“What you’re giving me is enough.”He wants to be a better father, not a better lover, not a better man for me.I repeat that to myself over and over in my head, hoping it’ll drill the reality through. “I mean … what you’re giving thebabies.”
“I hope that neverchanges.”
Chapter Twenty
Dallas
“Woohoo! We won!”
I can’t stop my lips from breaking into a smile, watching Willow jump up and down in excitement after the auctioneer yells, “Sold,” and points tome.
The men around me are either staring at her in annoyance or desire, and I want to slap all their thoughts from theirheads.
I’ve managed to snag the excavator and got a better deal than I planned. An overweight man wearing a business suit had me worried for a minute when he started driving the price up, but lucky for me, he gave upearly.
I know his kind. The men who are only in business for profit and for retail-fucking people with no concern about how they bust their asses every day to keep food in their families’ mouths. Barnes Machinery and Equipment isn’t like that. We give a shit about people, about their checkbooks, never highgross.
Willow insisted on tagging along with me at the bidding yard. I offered to let her wait in the truck or hang out in the coffee shop across the street since there’s a lot of standing and waiting around for your item to come up. She wouldn’t have it and refused to decline a ticket into myworld.
She hasn’t complained once, which doesn’t surprise me. She’s a hard worker, who scored a job with one of the most prestigious celebrity PR and assistant firms in LA at twenty-one. She worked with Hollywood’s elite and impressed Stella so much, she hired her full-time. Even though Stella isn’t as hard on her, Willow works her ass off to make things easier for herboss.
Hell, most of the time she goes above and beyond what is asked of her. She works long hours, does the shit no one else wants to do, and fixes any problems that comealong.
“How about some jams?” Willow asks when we get back into thetruck.
I paid for the machine, filled out all the necessary paperwork, and scheduled the delivery. We’d gotten lunch before the auction started, and now, my goal is to find her some kick-ass tacos for being such a goodsport.
“You be the DJ,” Ianswer.
Music comes blaring through the speakers when she turns the radio on. I haven’t used it since dropping Maven off at camp and cringe at the same time she bursts out into a fit of laughter. Since her laugh is contagious, I can’t stop myself from doing thesame.
“Whoa,” she says when she catches her breath. “Didn’t peg you as a Bieber fan,Barnes.”
I turn down the volume a few notches. “I’m not.Mavenis a Bieberfan.”
“Blaming it on the kid, huh? How convenient.” She smacks her palm against her forehead. “Oh. My.God.”
I lift my chin. “What?”
“My baby daddy is aBelieber.”
