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“True, but I also said it because Imeanit. I see a future with you. Shit, I want a future with you.” He places a hand over his heart and gives me a smile. “If adopting a child is how we have children, then I’m down.”
I wind my arms around his neck. “I guess I’ll have you.”
He gives me a gentle smile, grabs my hand, and kisses it. “Do you want to tell me why you can’t?”
“I have endometriosis,” I tell him. “It’s a health condition that can cause infertility in women and issues that can result in having their uterus removed. I was one of those women.”
He rubs my back as compassion crosses his features. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m not sure what starts it, maybe because I’mfinallyopening up to someone, but all my emotions, all my thoughts, suddenly spill out—in front of a man I’m finding myself trusting more than anyone. “It kills me,” I say around a groan and a sob. “I see so many women, my sister being one, who don’t deserve—” I pause to correct myself. “That’s mean of me to say. I see these women who don’twantto be mothers or take care of their children, and it kills me to see them take it for granted.” Sadness overcomes me. “God, what I’d kill for that.”
“Babe,” he says, continuing to rub my back.
I wipe away the tears while Kyle stares at me, giving me his undivided attention with a concerned face. Shame corrodes my insides. “It’s what a woman was created to do, right? Our bodies are made to bear babies. As little girls, it’s what we look into our future for, hoping for. I remember when I took care of Trey when I was fifteen. Sometimes, I’d act like he wasmybaby. I couldn’t wait to be a mother someday.” Pain grips my chest as my throat thickens with sobs. “All that was taken from me by a simple diagnosis. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like a woman. Sometimes, I hate my body for being this way, for doing this to me.”
Kent’s mother helped me post-surgery. She was kind but couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes that I wouldn’t be giving her a grandbaby. Coming to terms with my infertility is hard enough, but seeing the disappointment and judgment on others makes it so much worse.
Kyle is quiet. He never cuts me off, never tries to justify what I’m feeling. He listens and takes my pain in. “Don’t you dare base your worth off your ability to have children. You’re still a woman—a strong, compassionate, sexy woman who gives out unconditional love for so many people. Why aren’t you giving that same love to yourself?” He strokes my face, collecting all my tears with his fingers. “You, along with other women, weren’t put here for that. Period. You’re over here, helping Trey and Gloria and taking a job that pays half of what it should. Anyone who makes you believe any different shouldn’t be in your life.”
I gulp, unable to produce any words. I’m not withdrawn from him like when I told Kent.
“There are alternatives,” he goes on. “Adoption. Surrogate. Don’t let your diagnosis stop you from being a mother if it’s what you want.”
I nod. Adoption crossed my mind, but worry set in that it’d be selfish for me to bring a child into a single-parent home. I grew up without a father, and it hurt. I want to give a child that perfect life—mother, father, stability, white picket fence, all that. Right now, I can’t.
Kyle isn’t finished speaking. My honesty with my confession opened up the emotional floodgates. He doesn’t blink as we make steady eye contact, and my body feels weak as he looks at me with … I’m not even surewhatit is.
His voice is rich with emotion when he finally talks. “Chloe, last night, we wanted alcohol in our systems to speak our sober thoughts, but speaking honestly, no bullshit, I’m falling in love with you. I’ll say it drunk, sober, today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. I want to make this official. I’m done pretending like we’re just casual sex friends. I want you to be mine, and in the future, if we make it there, we can adopt all the babies in the world.”
Kent never talked about it with me; he’d shut down when it was brought up. He was pissed about his life plan changing drastically. It scared me to hear another person call me a failure, so those wounds always stayed with me.
Kyle wanted this conversation with me.
Kyle will never put me down for flaws I can’t control.
He’ll stay by my side, exploring every alternative.
Kyle will stand by my side always … until he learns my lie.
18
Kyle
I’ve been on shift for three hours. So far, we’ve settled a domestic dispute with exes fighting over custody of their golden retriever and handled another where a woman slapped a man for rear-ending her car.
I’m thankful the crime rate in Blue Beech barely exists, and because of that, there’s a great deal of downtime during our shifts. Gage is definitely grateful for it. He worked for Chicago PD before returning to Blue Beech and had no downtime on the job. I’ve considered moving out of Blue Beech and taking a job where I can save more lives and make a bigger difference, but I could never leave my family.
Gage thrums his fingers against the table and smirks my way. We’re at the diner, having dinner. We’re regulars here when our shift is slow, and we need a bite to eat. If we receive a call, Shirley will sometimes keep our food and heat it up when we come back.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I question before taking the last bite of my cheeseburger.
He tilts his head to the side, as if he’s studying me. “Lauren ordered me to inspect you.”
The fuck?
I raise a brow. “Inspect me?”
“Yes. She’s curious if you’re looking or behaving differently.”
