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I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin.
That panicked, claustrophobic feeling I had when she left and for years afterward…it’s all back and stronger than ever.
I can’t spend more pathetic time wading into the past.
And I’ve proven I can’t be trusted to keep it together around her.
It’s becoming hard to function.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
GOAT ARSENA
SOFIE
As much as I’ve tried to ignore thinking about the Fourth of July, it’s like my body and my mind won’t let me forget.
I wake up early and feed the horses, exercising them for a long time and then taking a long shower. It’s still only nine thirty when I walk into Happy Cow. I’d been tempted to go to Sunny Side instead, but I didn’t want to miss the Landmark Days parade, and it starts at ten, so Heritage Lane will be shutting down soon to prepare for that.
So much day left.
Maybe I should’ve figured out a way to get out of town for the day, but I don’t have anyone who could take care of the horses, so it’s just not an option yet.
Aunt Hilary and Abby were supposed to come a few days ago, but Abby got a bad bug. They both apologized profusely and promised as soon as she was feeling better, they’d come stay a few days. I’d been looking forward to their visit, but today I’m extra grateful I don’t have to pretend like everything is fine inside that house.
“Hello there,” Lar booms. “What can I get ya? Tell me in three seconds and I’ll throw in an extra something.”
“Uh. Cream cheese danish and coffee,” I yell.
He points at me. “New trick I learned to figure out people’s favorites.”
I nod. “Smart.”
“And we’re closing up in a few minutes to go to the parade.”
“Ahh, I thought I might be cutting it close.”
Mar hustles out of the kitchen, her apron already off, and she snaps at Lar. “Come on, come on, I want to get a good spot so I’m not trying to see around someone like Jamison or the Landmark brothers…or that Magnus fella.” She pauses when she sees me. “Sofie! Hey! Did Lar get you all fixed up?”
I’ve barely nodded before she’s clapping her hands.
“Excellent. Let’s head out. I heard Theo and Callum have a surprise for everyone.” Her eyes get big, and she turns to face me. “I am so sorry. Is it uncomfortable for you to hear his name?” she whispers.
I grit my teeth and grin. I know Mar only means well.
“Not at all,” I say, only partially lying.
She pats my arm. “Good. Honestly, it’s hard to think of one of you without thinking of the other, even after all this time. Jo and I have talked about it before, how we got to see a friendship blossom into love right before our very eyes...of course, she contributes Sunny Side as the place where it really happened. Over her pancakes and hamburgers and milkshakes. But I like to think my apple fritters played more than a small part.”
She smiles wistfully and sighs.
“Well, I guess that’s in the past now, isn’t it?” She pats my arm again and snaps her fingers at Lar. “What is taking you so long?”
Lar gives her a pointed look as he holds up my coffee and danish. “Here you go, Sofie.”
“Thanks, Lar,” I say, grabbing it from him. “Sorry to hold you guys up.”
