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I don’t know how to shut the fear down, but I’m doing my best to take each great moment as it comes.
And there are so many.
I swear, each day with Sofie feels better than the last.
It helps that my family is at the house this afternoon for that impromptu barbecue, and no one has asked too many questions or pushed to know exactly what our immediate plans are.
The problem is I think I’m the only one who wants to nail down all those details. Everyone else seems to be fine living in the moment, and I’m the one who feels the need to know how soon it’ll be before all of this fucking panic goes away.
I’m not this person. I’m the chill youngest brother of the family. Scarlett’s technically the baby of the family, but I may as well be too, being the youngest of three brothers.
“Hey,” Scarlett says, bumping into my shoulder as I flip the meat on the grill. “It’s good to see you happy.”
“Good to see you happy too,” I tell her.
She smiles, her gaze never leaving Jamison for very long. He’s always staring longingly at her too—which is weird but a good thing. I’d have to find a way to bust his ass if he didn’t seem as invested in my sister as she is in him.
We watch as our brothers and Owen and Jamison play tackle football in the yard below, and Grinny and Sofie sit in the Adirondack chairs facing the lake. Fred is chasing my sister’s dogs, Lucia and Delgado, and he’s in his element, showing off his turf.
“So, you wanna tell me why one minute you look like you’re on top of the world and the next you look like that squirrel onIce Age?” She leans her back against the deck railing, facing me.
Her arms fold across her chest as she assesses me.
I’ve never been oblivious to the fact that something broke in me when Sofie left, but for some reason, I thought my bandaged-up cold-ass hard heart act was working better than it apparently is.
“Scrat?” I scoff, as if she’s saying the most idiotic thing when I can fully picture the wide-eyed terror in Scrat’s face every time he loses his beloved acorn.
Yeah, that pretty much explains how my insides have felt since Sofie came back.
The bliss Scrat gets when he finds a nut, and the sheer horror when that nut is threatened.
How sad is it that I relate to an animated squirrel?
And that it all boils down to holding on to my nuts.
“I think I’m doing a pretty stellar job of playing it cool,” I grumble.
She snorts. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that, and maybe it’ll eventually come true.”
“You sound like a bratty little sister right now.” I slam down the lid of the grill and toss the tongs on the pan next to me.
“Iamthe bratty little sister,” she says. “And I want to help you get your head on straight before you blow it.”
“You think I’m not already worried I’m going to blow it?” I hiss between my teeth.
Her hands move to her hips as she looks at me in surprise. “Well, I wasn’t sure if you knew exactly what you’re feeling—since you’ve basically been silent since Sofie came back. You didn’t even tell any of us when you guys got back together. We had to hear it from the Landmark rumor mill. Are you suffering in silence?” she whispers. “Would you have even told us if we hadn’t shown up at Sunny Side?”
I growl and she laughs, putting her hand on my arm.
“What’s going on, Sadsack Softie?” she says.
“Who the fuck is Sadsack Softie?”
“You’ve always been my tenderhearted brother. The one who saves strays and loves with his arms wide open.”
I stare at her blankly. “You’re confusing me with Wyatt and Callum…or…I don’t know.” My nose curls up. “No, wait. Do any of us love with arms wide open?”
“You have. I mean, I know youtriedto be a ruthless player dude for a few years there, but that was never you, and this whole wall you’ve built up around you…it can’t keep standing now that Sofie’s back.”
