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The attendant came over and Zac asked him for a glass of whatever top-shelf scotch the label had in stock. Cassie ordered a vodka tonic. The man soon returned with their drinks, then disappeared back through the door at the front of the plane as the jet pulled away from the terminal. It was impossible to talk over the roar of the engines as they taxied down the runway and took off. They sipped their drinks in silence.
Zac kept his gaze averted from her, watching the patchwork quilt of the ground below out the window as the jet banked.
He didn’t know what had come over him. Why had he invited Cassie along to what he knew would be a shit show? Maybe he’d been hoping his dad would be out of it enough for him to get in, do his duty, and get out. He should have known his old man would never let him get away unscathed. He should have known he risked Cassie seeing a part of his life he didn’t want anyone to see. He gripped the armrest. Or maybe that’s exactly why he’d done it?
He took another swig of his drink just as the jet finally achieved cruising altitude. The roar of the engines suddenly diminished, and his thoughts resonated too loudly in his head.
Immediately, Cassie spoke, “Zac, I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head sharply, not wanting her pity. “No, I’m sorry. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have asked you to come. ”
“I’m glad you did.” Her voice was soft.
He stared down at his glass, watching the ripples from the plane’s vibrations subtly distort the smooth surface of the liquid. His skin felt too tight for his body, tension clawing up his spine to coil at the base of his skull.
You ruined my life.
He inhaled sharply. It had been a while since he’d heard those words. He wondered if they would replace the other phrase that played on repeat in his head.Right place, right time,Zac.
His ribs compressed, his hand tightening around the glass.
The click of Cassie’s seat belt unbuckling jerked his head up. There was no seat beside him, but that didn’t stop her. Cassie sank to her knees and placed her hands on his thighs. She squeezed gently, trying to catch his gaze. Zac had to control a sudden visceral reaction to her looking up at him from between his legs. She was only trying to offer comfort. And yet, it painted a far too pretty picture.
“I don’t know who my dad is,” she said. Zac’s stomach twisted as he took in her distant expression. “He bailed as soon as he found out Mom was pregnant. Or at least, that’s what she always told me. But part of me wonders ifsheeven knows who my father is.”
Her eyes focused back on him. “I don’t remember her ever holding down a job for longer than a few weeks. She told me once she just wasn’t cut out for it. But from the number of boyfriends who visited, I soon figured out how she made the little money we did have.”
Zac curled his hands over the top of hers but said nothing. He just let her talk.
“When one of them came over, which was most days, Mom would yell at me to get out of the house. I’m grateful for that now, I guess. I don’t think all the men who visited would have been averse to making it a two for one deal.” A breath shuddered out of her, and his fingers tightened, his heart constricting then lurching erratically against his ribs. “But at the time, I wasn’t grateful. I was just sad and scared and alone. I used to run out to the fields behind our house. There was a tree there that was far enough away to feel safe but close enough that I could see when the men left. When I was little, I’d be out there for hours, sometimes all day. It’s why I eventually started writing poetry, to help pass the time and get my feelings out.” Her eyes met his and the openness in her gaze tugged at something in his chest.
“Things got a little better when I started school because I was comfortable and had company, at least for those hours. Sort of.” Her full lips pressed together. “Any friendships I made soon faded away. I saw the looks the parents gave me. I eventually figured out what the issue was.”
Zac growled through clenched teeth at the thought of young Cassie, shunned because of her mother’s activities.
She turned her hands over underneath his, so they were clasped. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
She nodded and exhaled. “When I was fourteen, I was sitting under my tree after school, writing in my notebook and waiting for Mom’s visitor to leave. It was summer, and I remember how bright it was. How thirsty I was because I’d forgotten to bring any water with me. I heard someone say hello, and I remember turning and the sun beaming in my eyes. I had to squint to see who it was. A boy, about my age.” A faint smile touched her lips.
Zac’s stomach plummeted. “Bryan.”
“Yes. His family had just moved into a house on the other side of the field. He kept me company until the car outside my house left, and I could go home. Then he was there the next day. And the next. He was my first real friend. My only friend really. He didn’t care who my mother was. He just cared about me.” Her gaze dropped.
Fuck. No wonder she fell hard for Bryan. He was the only person who was ever there for her. And then he betrayed her too. Fucking asshole.
“Are you still in touch with your mom?” he asked.
“I tried to keep in contact when we first moved away. She’s still my mother, you know?”
He nodded. You couldn’t choose your family. And as much as you might want to cut ties, sometimes it was hard to let go of the hope things might be different if you just kept trying.
“She didn’t want to know,” Cassie continued. “I think she was just glad not to have me getting in the way anymore. I stopped trying after a while.”
A weight pressed down on his chest. “Cassie,” he murmured.
She shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just wanted to let you know all that because”—she gave him a small smile—“well, because if you want to talk about your family, then I’m here for you. And I understand that sometimes the people who should love us the most let us down the hardest.”
