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AndnowIhave to push the memory deep down inside me, lock it up tight, and treat her like my best friend rather than the womanIwas five seconds away from sinking my cock into and fucking into oblivion.
“Youokay?”Beauasks, his mouth full of sandwich. “Youzoned out on me.”
Irun my hand over my face again, trying to clear my head. “Yeah, sorry.Justtired.It’sbeen a while sinceI’vebeen in a fight.”
Beaugrins. “Notmuch of a fight.Bastardwent down with barely a whimper.Deservedit, though, putting his hands on our girl like that.IfI’dgotten there first,I’dhave done the same.”Heshakes his head, expression turning serious. “Luckyyou had eyes on her.”
Ihad more than my eyes on her tonight.
Inod, guilt eating at me.Iowe my cousin so fucking much.AndShae, fuck,Iowe her too.Andtonight… tonight is the second timeI’vedone something unforgivable when it comes to the two of them.
Ican still salvage this, though.Ididn’t fuck her.Onlygave her something she needed.
Orwas it whatIneeded?
Ilight that thought on fire.Idon’t want to fuck things up with my two best friends.Whathappened tonight is the end of it.I’lltalk toShaetomorrow and make sure she’s on the same page.Wewere both drinking.Hopefullyshe won’t read anything more into it.
AndhopefullyIcan keep my hands off her whenIsee her.
* * *
Thenext morning,I’mup first, soIhead down to the gym to work off some of the tension that’s still tightening my muscles.Insteadof waking up with a clear mind, sleep only made things worse.
Idreamed of her.DreamedthatBeauhadn’t come home when he did.DreamedthatI’dgotten to bury myself in her.Itwas fucking incredible, but whenItried to wrap my arms around her, to hold her to me, she turned to smoke and disappeared.
Wakingup from that dream was as confusing as hell.Iwas hard as a rock, but the hollow behind my ribs was burning.
Irun a few miles on the treadmill, then move around the weight room, working my body hard until my muscles are finally loose.
ThenIhead back up.Theirvoices reach me as soon asIopen the door.Shaeis laughing at somethingBeauhas said, and the sweet, familiar sound throws me back in time.
It’sthe morning after my mom left me at my aunt’s house.Iclomp down the stairs in my boots, full of as much attitude as a pissed off fifteen-year-old can be, only hesitating whenIhear a soft, musical laugh.
Roundingthe corner into the living room,IspotBeau, the cousinI’veonly met twice before and have now been forced into sharing a bedroom with, standing with his back to me.
Butit’s the girl facing him that immediately draws my attention.Thegirl wearing aPanicat theDiscoT-shirt, with long, brown hair that’s falling over her shoulders and big golden-brown eyes that would put a baby deer to shame.
She’ssmiling up at him, but, as if sensing me, she glances over, her lips parting as she takes me in. for a second, our gazes lock together, unspoken questions swirling in the air between us.Thenher head tilts, those big eyes warm even more, and her perfect bow-shaped lips tilt up.Shefucking smiles at me.Andfor a moment, the time it takes for my lungs to fully inflate for the first time sinceMomandRoydrove away yesterday, everything bad falls away.ThehurtImask with my piss and vinegar attitude, the lonelinessI’vecarried for as long asIcan remember, the guiltIfeel at being thrust into the lives of these peopleIbarely know—it all fades away.
Withthat one sweet smile, she makes me feel likeImight have a home here.LikeImight be wanted for the first time in my life.
Thenthe moment is over.Mycousin turns, his grin disappearing at the sight of me.
Ishake off the memory.Reminiscingwon’t do me any good.WhileBeaumight have only reluctantly introduced me toShaethat first day, it hadn’t taken too long before the three of us became friends.NowI’verisked that friendship, the two most important relationshipsI’veever had, by losing control of myself and going whereIpromisedInever would.Ihave to fix it.
Beaulooks up from where he’s leaning against the countertop whenIstep into the kitchen. “Wherehave you been so early?”
Shae, who’s sitting on one of the bar stools, turns to me, and awareness flows through the air between us.Pinkwarms her cheeks, and her focus drops to where my sweat-soakedT-shirt is plastered to my abs.Theheat of her stare takes me straight back to last night.Bythe time she jerks her gaze away, it’s too late.I’malready hardening.
Iget moving, hoping my state of arousal isn’t glaringly obvious. “Feltlike a workout,”Ibelatedly reply toBeau’squestion.
Hisbrow is furrowed. “Thisearly?Afterfinishing off a bottle of tequila?”
It’sonly then thatInotice the empty bottle on the counter.Shaemust have brought it out this morning.Myattention is drawn back to her.Whatdid she tell him about last night?Itry to catch her eye, but she isn’t looking at me, focused instead on where she’s using her fingertip to trace a line in the granite of the countertop.
Iroll my shoulders. “Justneeded to blow off some steam.”Asmuch asIneed to talk toShae,Ican’t do it withBeauin the room.It’llhave to wait untilIcan get her on her own. “I’mgoing to rinse off,”Imutter before heading to my bedroom to shower and change.
Fifteenminutes later, fresh from the shower,Igo in search of my friends.Beau’ssitting out on our large balcony with his bass, butShae’snowhere to be seen.Herbedroom door was ajar whenIwalked past it, andIknocked quietly, hoping to catch her alone, but she wasn’t there.
