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Iforce my mind back on track.Weneed to figure out our new set list, and my distracted state is getting noticed.
“Yeah,I’mready.Let’sdo it.”
Calebcounts us in by tapping his sticks together, then launches into the aggressive bass drum intro to “ForeverisNow,” the single we plan to release after “TemptMe.”Afew beats later,Istart in with the signature riff, my fingers weaving intricate patterns over the strings of my guitar on autopilot, even though my mind is scattered.
We’vebeen at it for two hours already, andI’mgetting antsy.Playingwith the guys usually leaves me on a high, even when we’re practicing, but not today.WhatIneed is time to think—to get my head on straight.ButwithBeauandShaeat home, and most of my time spent with the band and atPRevents, having a moment to get my thoughts in order aboutShaeand what happened between us is next to impossible.
Ido my best to lose myself in the music, in tweaking the set list and modifying transitions and intros.AndIfinally get into it.Evenlaughing withBeauandZacwhenCalebtries a fancy spin of his drumsticks and hits himself in the head.Thatprobably gave me more satisfaction than it should have.Thisalbum is going to be epic.Ican sense it.Socan the others.Everyoneis smiling, feeling the adrenaline rush that comes with knowing every beat, every lick, every note, every lyric has come together just right.Ourfirst three albums went platinum, and this one might just knock all of them out of the park.
Anhour later,Zacgrabs waters from the fridge.Icatch the one he tosses to me, crack it open, and drain half the bottle in one go.Oncewe get into the zone, we tend to forget about taking breaks to hydrate.
“Thestart was a bit shaky,”Zacsays, focusing on me.Thenhe looks around at the others. “Butwe pulled it together.Ithink we’re close to nailing it.”
Ihide my smile.Zacmay have relaxed sinceCassiecame along, but once a perfectionist, always a perfectionist.Andhey,I’mnot complaining.Wewouldn’t have gotten where we are so quickly without him pushing us so hard.Butit’s nice that he lets us—and himself—take breathers now and again these days.
“Giveus a few more sessions, and even you’ll be happy.”Ismirk.
Herolls his eyes but cracks a grin just as his phone beeps.Theway his face softens when he pulls it out of his pocket and studies it makes it obvious thatCassieis messaging him.Hetypes back, signaling that his focus has shifted from us to her.Beforeshe came along, he never would have let me off as easy as he did today.ProbablybecauseZacis more prone to getting distracted himself these days.
Calebcollapses onto the couch with his bottle of water, stretching out his long legs and ruffling his hand through his blond hair. “IsShaeexcited about tomorrow night?”Hedirects the question toBeau.
Myhand tightens around my water bottle, making it crackle in my fist.Beingjealous ofBeautakingShaeto the premiere is ridiculous, particularly since we’re all going in together anyway.It’snot a date, even ifBeaukeeps calling it that.He’sjoking, but it still makes a surge of possessiveness rise up in me.
PossessivenessIhave no fucking right feeling.
“She’sexcited and nervous at the same time,”Beausays, affection lighting up his face. “Wehad a designer come out yesterday to fit her for a dress.Shewas so cute; she didn’t know what to do with herself.”
Caleb’slips quirk up. “She’scute all right.”
Iturn away, toss my now-empty water bottle in the trash can in the corner of the room, and get to work packing up my gear.Beauwanders over whileI’msliding my guitar into its case. “Everythingokay man?You’vebeen a bit out of it the last few days.”
“Justthinking, you know?”
Beaucocks a dark eyebrow. “Notreally.Butmaybe that says something about me.”
Ilaugh, but my mind’s onShae.Onhow my cousin would react if he knew whatI’ddone.Ifhe’d flip out, call me on my bullshit, accuse me of screwing him over.
He’dbe right to do all those things.
“Anythingyou want to talk about?” he asks.
Igrip the handle of the guitar case so hard my knuckles turn white.ButIforce a smile. “I’mall good.”
Luckily, he takes me at face value. “Youheading home now?”
Wetook separate cars this morning sinceBeauhad a radio interview to attend before practice.Nowis going to be my best chance of taking some time to myself.
“I’mgoing to stop atMick’sand see if he’s got any new picks in.”
Mickis the owner ofMick’sMusic.He’san ex-session musician and guru of all things guitar.HeandIdon’t hang out socially.Atfifty-five,Mickisn’t interested in the party scene anymore.Butany timeIhave the urge to just shoot the shit,Ihead down there, and we have a drink and talkFendersand picks and amps until we run out of steam.Andsometimes, if he’s busy in the shop,Ihang out in the back, check out his new stock, and steal a moment to just breathe.
Beaunods. “I’mthinking about takingShaetoBestiafor dinner.Letme know if you want to come, and we’ll wait for you.”
Mystomach clenches at the thought ofBeautakingShaeout to dinner, just the two of them.Likeanother fucking date.Whichis ridiculous because they’re just friends.Likeshe andIare.
Exceptthat’s not fucking true anymore, is it?
Andonce upon a time, it wasn’t true forBeaueither.Suspicionslides cold fingers down my spine, andIcan’t help but wonder if he still feels that way. “I’llgive you a call ifIthinkI’llmake it in time.”
