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Hewinks just beforeMicksits down opposite us and lets out a sigh.
“Duncanmanning the counter?”Devonasks him.
“Nah.”Heshakes his head. “Hiredanother guy.Morestaff means more time to talk music with the customers.Andspend time with friends.Oldand new,” he says with a smile at me.
Itake the opportunity to ask, “Howlong have you two known each other?”
Mickscratches his chin, looking up at the ceiling. “Aboutfive years now,Ithink.”
“Soundsabout right,” saysDevon.
“Andyou come here and talk music?”
“Amongother things.”Mickgrins, and the way he looks at me makes me think that maybe there’s been more than casual conversation about me too.I’mnot sure what to think about that.
“Yeah,” saysDevonwith a grin. “Mickis getting bored hanging with just me, so he asked me to invite you along today.”
ItwasMick’sidea to invite me?Itry to ignore the little spasm of hurt that clutches at my heart.Devonwouldn’t have asked me if he didn’t want to see me.
Maybesensing my thoughts,Devonrests his large hand on my thigh under the table.Thewarmth of his palm on my skin immediately relaxes me.Isip my coffee whileIlisten to the two of them chat about the shop and music, occasionally throwing in a question of my own.Mostly, though,I’menjoying watching them interact.Iget the feelingMickhas taken on a bit of a father-figure role forDevon, and this place is obviously a refuge from the spotlight for him.
Andhe asked me to come.Sharedthis private place and this special bond withme.
Onceour coffee mugs are empty,Mickputs them in the sink, then excuses himself to check on the new guy.
“Doyou ever go out to the shop?”IaskDevon.He’stipped back in his chair, resting his back against the wall behind him.Helooks content, andIrevel in the idea that maybe some of that contentment is becauseI’mhere.
“Sometimes,” he says. “Dependingon how busy it is.”
“Howdid you two meet?”
Hehuffs out a laugh. “It’scrazy, really.BeauandIhad been inLAabout two years, playing gigs here and there.We’dmade a bit of a splash in the club scene but were still hoping to get discovered.Theband we were with at the time was imploding, and we all knew it.Thelead singer and drummer were getting hard into drugs and losing focus.Anyway, after one gig where our front man was twenty minutes late because he was enjoying a pre-performance snort and blow, we—”
“Awhat?”Iinterrupt him.
Hequirks a brow at me. “Snortingcoke and getting a blowjob from some random girl who apparently couldn’t resist his minimal charms.”
Ialmost roll my eyes at myself.Ishould have figured that one out myself.
“So, after the gig,BeauandIgave the two of them a smackdown.Wesaid if they didn’t cut down on the drugs and focus on the music, we’d walk.Iguess they didn’t like that ultimatum because they took off and left us to load the van on our own.Whenwe got back to the apartment we all shared, they’d thrown our stuff out on the street and were having a rager inside.Ihad a couple of boxes of picks, and one of those fuckers had pissed all over them.”
Iwrinkle my nose, and he laughs. “Yeah, they were assholes.Anyway,Ileft the boxes on their front step for them to deal with, and the next day, after scouring ads for a place to live,Iwent looking for the closest music shop to replace my picks.Iwandered in here, chatted with the man behind the counter, told him the story, and somehow, beforeIknew it, we were back here talking and jamming.”Hestretches, his smile smug. “I’dlove to see those guys again one day and thank them for being utter douchebags.Notonly did leaving that crappy band end up leading us toCrossfire, but it also it introduced me toMick.Whenall the attention gets to be too much andIjust want to hang with someone who treats me like a regular person, this is whereIcome.”
Isoak up every facial expression, every gesture, the way his eyes light up when he mentions jamming withMick—the mere fact of being here with him.Andsomehow, althoughI’veknownDevonfor years, it’s like discovering a new person.Likeunlocking our physical relationship has unlocked a whole new side of him.
AndIwon’t lie.I’vealso been admiring his gorgeous face, toned body, and deep voice.I’veturned into a lovesick groupie, andI’mnot sure there’s any going back.
Arush of nerves tumble down my spine.Becausefor the first time, it really hits me what this could mean for us.I’vebeen so focused on the now of wanting him, that thewhat comes nexthas been lost in the haze.There’sa chanceDevonandIcould have a future together.Afuture that might include love and marriage and maybe a family at some stage.Butif things go bad, what would that mean for our friendship?Wouldit survive?Whatabout my friendship withBeau?
Thisthing we’re doing has the potential to be a catastrophe.Andas much asIdon’t want to believe it could be possible, there’s a chanceIcould lose both of my friends.Afterall, the two of them are family, and in a very successful band together.WouldBeaufeel the need to choose between us if it went so horribly wrong that it came down to that?Notto mentionIstill have no real clue whatDevonthinks about this thing that’s happening between us.
Andyet, even with all the uncertainty,Iwantthis.I’venever wanted much in my life.Tobe loved by my dad and my friends, to do workIenjoy, and to have the time and talent to paint.Andyes, romance, of course.Butthe idea of true, lifelong love has always been so abstract to me.Maybeit’s becauseIgrew up surrounded by single-parent families.EvenBeau’sandDevon’smoms were single parents—although it’s debatable ifDevon’smom could actually be considered a parent.AndwithBeauas my best friend through childhood, and laterDevon, theDisneyprincess, happily ever after stuff was never a fantasy that filled my thoughts.
Whateverthe reason,I’venever spent much time dreaming of my ideal man.TheoneI’dspend forever with.ButnowIcan see it.Ican seehim.Andit scares me just how muchIwant it.HowmuchImay have secretly wanted it all along.
There’sa solid lump in my throat that’s hard to swallow around.Itell myself we can only try—give this thing between us a go and see what happens.Hopethat whatever concernsDevonhas about howBeauwill react are unfounded.It’sthe logical way to think.Saferthan the almost desperate yearning for forever that’s suddenly bubbling up in my chest.
IthinkIsurprise myself almost as much asIsurpriseDevonwhenIabruptly lean over and press my lips to his.Ineed that validation, the reminder thatIcan do that now.Anda reminder is exactly whatIget whenDevondrags me off my chair and pulls me into his lap.Hisarms go around me, andI’mheld tight to his broad chest.
