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“No going to happen,” Owen said. No way could he have an unguarded conversation with Sophie about their relationship. He’d stuck his neck out and gotten it chopped off. Her silence told him that. Anything that could have been between them was now done. It was best to leave it at that. Besides, she had too much on her plate already. He didn’t need to burden her with his emotions. Those were his problem. He’d give her what she wanted from him, the only thing he could give her—protection. That was the one thing he knew how to do.
“Think about it. It might bewortheverything,” Ethan said. “I gotta go. Keep me updated.”
Owen said goodbye. He took a minute to center his thoughts and emotions while there on the sunny rock with the spectacular view of the forest valley. Part of him recognized that the appropriate approach to his issues with Sophie was to have an adult conversation with her. Lay it on the line. Admit to how he was feeling about her, about them. But he couldn’t. It had been difficult enough sharing what he had with Ethan.
All he could do was put some distance between them. That seemed to be what she wanted, so he’d give it to her.
* * *
Sophie found a bench outside the main lodge to work on her digital vision board. Its creation was the final session of the retreat. Each participant had to create a board focusing on how they saw the future with their significant other. They were supposed to work independently, but she noticed that other couples were sitting together with their laptops balanced on their laps.
She felt self-consciously alone on the bench. Owen had gotten the assignment and retreated to the porch of their cabin to tackle his alone. She supposed she could have followed him, but he hadn’t invited her to. All part of the rift that was growing between them, which was at least half her fault.
He’d tried to speak with her the evening before and again that morning. She’d blown him off both times, and even though she’d regretted it afterward, she didn’t know how to take it back or try to fix things.
Did she want something more with Owen? She didn’t know. What she didn’t want was a big emotional scene in which she confessed what he had come to mean to her and he in turn replied with… nothing. God, that would be horrendous. She didn’t think she could make herself take that risk.
Shaking her head, she opened her laptop and started looking for images. She just needed to finish this final session, and they could be done pretending.
If theywerepretending…
Almost growling in frustration, she clicked open the first image saved on her laptop and managed a smile. It was Julia’s picture of the piping plover, the one that her friend had insisted was like her and Owen—protective and willing to put themselves in harm’s way to help others.
She wasn’t sure that described her, but it did Owen. She stole a glance toward where he sat. His head was bent over his screen as he worked. She had an overwhelming urge to go to him and put her arms around him, to tell him that she admired him and trusted him. She didn’t allow herself to ponder the deeper feelings she’d been battling.
Could she be brave enough to admit them to herself, let alone to him? She looked again at the image on her screen. Maybe there was a way of telling him without saying the words. They felt too vulnerable, too scary. Her vision board didn’t have to be a fake performance for the other people at the retreat. She could use it as a way of showing Owen that they could have more, that she was willing to try, if he would meet her halfway.
Oh, that would take courage, unbelievable courage. Did she have that? She looked inside herself and thought about what the future held for her. When Owen’s face showed up over and over, she had her answer. She’d been pushing that question aside for days, and now that she’d freed herself to consider the possibilities, ideas popped into her head. She started searching for images that could represent them as a couple.
Seconds before Luna invited everyone into the lodge to review their vision boards, Sophie put the finishing touches on her vision. Now, she had to present it. Inside, she sat next to Owen, nervously waiting her turn. Neither of them spoke while other participants projected their boards on a screen and talked about their choices. The boards varied depending on the couple, but it seemed to Sophie that everyone’s showed that the couples were now united and looking forward to happy futures together, even the ones that had seemed irreconcilable at the start.
Finally, it was their turn and Luna asked Owen to go first. He hooked his laptop to the projector. When his board showed on the screen, Sophie felt a wave of sickness roll through her stomach. He hadn’t taken it seriously at all. There was an image of a mall cop holding frilly lingerie, harking back to their supposed first meeting and the lies they’d told others. Another picture was of a woman scuba diving with sharks surrounding her in the water—the “fear” he’d confessed to during one of the sessions. None of it was real—none of it was reallythem.It was all the fake stuff that they had shared during the sessions. It felt like he was saying their entire relationship had never been more than a lie.
She turned her head away, not even listening to what Owen was saying. The visuals were enough. Sophie felt Luna’s sympathetic eyes on her, and that was the only thing that kept her from storming out of the room. She wouldn’t do that to Luna. Her friendship meant something to her, and she was going to support her friend’s endeavor to the end.
Owen passed her on the way to his seat, not making eye contact. She rose, straightened her back, and went to the front of the room. In seconds, all the hopeful images she’d found were on display. The piping plover, a couple making s’mores, a man and a woman racing down a ski slope side-by-side. Her board spoke of a couple in sync with each other and pursuing adventures together because that’s how she’d pictured her and Owen’s future. They’d have fun, push each other, and laugh a lot.
She struggled to get the words out that she’d planned to say. Fortunately, the other couples were so caught up in themselves that they didn’t seem to notice how painful this was for her. She felt stupid and hurt for taking this seriously when he hadn’t. After rushing through her narration, she disconnected her laptop and headed back to her seat.
Luna took the opportunity to thank everyone for attending the retreat and then they were free to go. Sophie made herself walk beside Owen as they headed for their cabin to keep up appearances. She didn’t want anything to reflect negatively on Luna and her retreat.
She knew, though, that she wouldn’t be able to stay silent for long. She’d been reluctant to talk to him about their relationship, afraid of what he’d say. Now, she felt that discussion was no longer optional.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Owen held the cabin door open for Sophie, knowing that as soon as he closed it, everything between them was going to change. She was angry with him, and he didn’t blame her. He’d completely missed the mark with his vision board by treating it as a joke. He’d embarrassed her and himself. Worst of all, he could almost feel the hurt radiating out under her anger. That hadn’t been his intention.
But seriously, he didn’t have the bandwidth to get in a fight with her. He’d committed to keeping her safe and keeping his heart disengaged that morning. He needed to stick to that. Anything more he just couldn’t handle.
“That was awful,” she declared after slowly and deliberately putting her laptop down.
“I’m sorry.” He could offer her that much.
“Are you?” Her gaze was on him. “That’s not how it looked to me.”
“I am.” He’d given his apology and meant it. He wasn’t going to ask how it looked to her.
“You want to know what I saw?” she asked, continuing before he could say no. “I saw what I’ve always believed about you play out once again. You’re running from life, refusing to take anything seriously, refusing to consider the future.”
