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Shame swept over his face, and he looked down, nodding. “I know.”
“So why did you never say anything about why you did it? That day at the park, you didn’t even try.”
“Because it’s a shit excuse and I’m a shit human, that’s why.”
He was so damn infuriating. “No. You’re a man who did a shit thing. It’s not the same.”
Drew narrowed his eyes and finally pulled out of my grasp. “Why are you trying to defend what I did? Just stop. I don’t deserve you. I didn’t then, and I don’t now. I was delusional to think we could ever have another chance.”
“Jesus Christ, this is supposed to be a conversation between two people, not you telling me what to do or how I feel.”
“You don’t think I know how you feel?” he exploded. “Hudson, I’m sorry. I never, ever meant to hurt you, but the fact is I did. I made a choice that day, the wrong choice, and I can’t forgive myself.”
“News flash, you’re not the one who’s supposed to forgive yourself. I am. And you’re not even giving me a chance to do that.”
“Why would you want to do that? You heard me in there. I did what I did on purpose. It wasn’t an accident.”
“Okay, fine. So answer this: what else did you do to screw me over?”
“What?”
“Tell me. I want to know the list of things you did while we were together where you lied, cheated, or stole.”
Drew stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “What are you talking about? I never—”
“What else?”
“Thereisnothing else,” he thundered, his temper shot to shit. “Hurting you once was enough, trust me.”
“I do.”
“Then you’re crazy.” He ran his fingers through his hair and began to pace, but I wasn’t through.
“Drew, why? Why didn’t you ever tell me how bad things were with your dad? Did you really think I wouldn’t understand?”
He threw his hands up. “No. I don’t know.”
“Really. So you’re saying if the situation had been reversed and I’d come to you with a problem, you would’ve told me to fuck off?”
“What? No—”
“Exactly. And why not?”
“Because I loved you.”
I ground my jaw, half wanting to strangle him, but trying to get through his thick skull. “And you didn’t think that went both ways? That if you’d come to me I would’ve helped you figure something out?”
“I…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I didn’t realize I’d dug a hole that deep until it was too late. There wasn’t time for a plan, and I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”
“But even before. You didn’t realize you were failing? You didn’t want to fill me in on all the pressure from your dad? That’s kind of an important thing to tell the guy you’re dating.”
“For Christ’s sake, put yourself in my shoes for a minute,” Drew snapped. “How humiliated would you be to know your boyfriend is such a fuck-up?”
“Oh my God. You seriously don’t see yourself, do you?”
“I see myself fine.”
“Bullshit. You’re the most confident, charming guy in any room you walk into. You make shit happen, and people love you. They always did back then, and they sure as hell do now.”
