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JAGGER AND SLADE proved to be an absolute riot, and the catering and tour Levi gave us were certainly I-survived-a-hurricane-worthy. Throughout the rest of the day, I’d been back on my best behavior, though the fact that I’d lost it earlier, and in front of Viper no less, wasn’t sitting well with me.
Way to show up for your company, ass.
But even more than that, Hudson’s words echoed through my brain, colliding with my own feelings about what I’d done. It didn’t make sense that he could forgive such a betrayal, especially after finding out the reason behind it. Wasn’t that worse?
I forgive you… Stop beating yourself up and forgive yourself.
Just hearing him say those words had been a weight off my shoulders, even if I didn’t know that I could fully do what he was asking. Forgiven, but not forgotten, right? Who was to say Hudson wouldn’t feel the same?
It was wild to me that I’d started this trip so focused on winning a deal only to get here, right at the finish line, and be caught up winning something else entirely.
Was there still hope there? Hudson and I hadn’t had a minute alone since the incident earlier, and it was impossible to gauge what he was thinking, since he was back to playing the part of interested publisher, same as me.
But as evening fell and guests began arriving, the music kicked on, and the lights switched over to something out of a dance club, setting the stage for the night’s festivities.
“I guess that’s our cue to go get ready,” Levi said. “Plan to be back in, say, an hour or so? I’m sure Viper will want to make the announcement before things get really out of hand.”
“Sounds like more material for the book,” I said, grinning.
“Lord, I don’t know if my liver can take it, but good luck to yours.” He gave us a salute and headed off, leaving Hudson and me together in his wake.
Hudson shoved his hands in his pockets, clearing his throat. “So.”
“So.”
Why the hell did I suddenly feel nervous? There wasn’t a shy bone in my body, but as we began to walk down the hall, I realized that now that I finally had Hudson to myself, I was at a loss for words. What was the right way to lay out there all the opposing things on my mind? Elation and fear. The potential for love or heartbreak. On such a monumental night, it was almost too much to think about the fact that I could come out of all this a double loser, both personally and professionally.
Though there was one that stuck out as the bigger loss of the two, and by such a large margin there wasn’t even a comparison.
Why, then, did I feel as though I didn’t deserve either?
“Hudson—” I began, just as he said, “Drew—”
We looked at each other and burst into laughter.
“You go first,” I said.
“Okay.” He exhaled deeply as we walked along. “I know we need to focus on tonight, but I’d be lying if I said my attention wasn’t elsewhere.”
I almost sighed in relief. “I could say the same.”
“I have to be honest. All this time I never thought hearing why you did it would make a difference. But the more I think about it, the more I can’t believe I didn’t put it together before this. Like…Iknewyou. I should’ve paid more attention. Asked more questions. I was so quick to write you off—”
“No. No, you did exactly what you should’ve done.”
“I don’t know. I just keep thinking back and wishing I’d been there for you somehow.”
Was he seriously trying to turn this so I wasn’t the bad guy?
“Jesus, Hudson, don’t you dare blame yourself for something I did. None of it was your fault. Not even close.”
“But—”
“Let me put it this way. I’ve only made it to where I am in my dad’s company because I fucked you over. I’m only here, with you, in this mega freakin’ mansion, competing for the same book deal, because I betrayed you. Let that sink in.”
The look he gave told me those details hadn’t occurred to him. Yet.
“Exactly,” I said as we reached our rooms. “Stealing from you, passing the class and graduating… That’s the only reason my dad gave me a chance to work my way up.”
