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I always wondered why she couldn’t see herself like others do and I imagine it has a lot to do with being the oldest of four kids. She’s four years older than her brother and eight years older than her two sisters. Somehow I picture her taking the opportunity to mother each one of them as they grew up together.
“And surprising,” she mumbles against my lips when I finally pull back from our kiss.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing,” she tips her chin and instead of allowing her to shy away from her feelings I back her up to the dresser behind us and place her onto it. Relieving my hands I cup her cheek and drag my thumb along her chin, forcing her gaze upward.
“Tell me,” I push, accepting that I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make her feel comfortable enough to tell me what thoughts are floating around in this beautiful head of hers.
“You just surprise me.”
“How?”
She averts her stare.
“Amara,” immediately she looks back at me. “Stop shying away from me.”
“I’m not,” she sits a little taller and I grin at her need to prove me wrong.
“You are baby. But I’ll help you get past that.”
She simply stares at me, her eyes roaming over my face, like she’s trying to see something that is hidden deep. Something about the way she is watching me makes me feel so exposed for the first time in my life. Why, when she looks at me do I feel like every single step I’ve taken in life isn’t worthy of her.
“Either you are really great at telling a girl all the things she needs to hear, or I’m just gullible.”
“I won’t lie to you,” I assure her. “I will never tell you something I don’t fully mean. I’ve never been that guy and I never will be. Everything I’ve said, every single word, it’s true. I can’t promise you where this will go; I can’t guarantee you that I won’t mess up and piss you off at least once daily.” She smiles. “But what I can promise you is this, thatifat any time I feel like this isn’t going to work, I will be up front.”
She worries her lip and I hate the uncertainty in her eyes.
“Not once have I ever wanted to take a woman to my bed, just so that I can hold her while we sleep.”
Amara’s eyes soften, and the tension in her jaw relaxes.
“I’m not the type to snuggle, never needed it. So when I tell you that this is different for me, I mean it's something I’ve never done. But I want to try with you.”
“You can’t expect me not to worry about it falling apart.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I’ll be more than willing to reassure you every day.”
“Until you can’t reassure me anymore.”
“You can’t go into this with me, expecting the worst.” Moving in closer to her I plant my hands on her hips and pull her forward. “If I didn’t think I could give you the things you want then I wouldn’t be standing right here, right now, telling you that I want to be that guy.”
She nods and I know her too well to know there still isn't doubt in her mind.
“One day at a time,” I kiss the corner of her mouth, “just do that with me.”
“One day at a time,” she repeats, and I nod.
“Now can I please take you to my bed?”
Her lips tip up in a smile, just before she wraps her arms around my neck and hooks her feet behind my back.
“Yes,” she kisses my jaw and I step back from the dresser with her in my arms.
My heart is thumping in my chest, as I walk to my bed and lower her to the mattress.
We’ve been here before, in this scenario, but were both tipsy and the situation was different. As I stare down at her, I can’t stop the rush of anxiety that races through me. This is Amara.
