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I could give up and stop pushing her, but to be honest it irritates me a bit that she wants to chalk up our kiss to nothing more than a drunken blunder. Letting her off that easily isn’t in my nature, so I push a little more.
“Why can’t you look at me?”
I watch and wait as her chest rises and then falls from a few deep breaths, before she finally gives in and looks at me. “You really are making a much bigger deal about this than you need to.”
I hold her stare as I wait for her to falter. I know she won’t be able to hold onto it long.
The waiter picks that moment to place her glass of wine before her. She doesn’t even wait for him to pull back his arm completely before she picks up the glass and drains half the contents.
“It was nothing.” She adds, averting her stare when I arch my brow.
“Is that so?” I say with a chuckle, and she flashes me a narrow-eyed look. “See you’re only brave enough to admit your true feelings after you have several drinks?”
Amara closes her eyes and allows herself a moment.
The laughter and conversation of the others around us interrupts the moment and I turn to Spencer as he gives a quick toast to the bride and purposely avoids mentioning anything about the groom who is still MIA.
I’m not the marrying type, I’ve never imagined my life with one woman, settled with kids and a white picket fence. I’ve always enjoyed my freedom and the detachment of no one to hold me back. Being a bit of an adrenaline junky, always looking for the next adventure leaves little time for long term relationships. But I assume if I ever did choose that path I’d at least be present at the events. Lincoln still hasn’t arrived at the resort, and it doesn’t take much to pick up on the worry and sadness in Audrey’s eyes from his absence.
To say it doesn’t piss me off, would be a lie. This should be a happy time for her, and though she puts on a brave face I sense her anxiety.
Dinner becomes real interesting as the drinks flow and the conversation and story time kicks in. Laughter flows and I decide to lay off and allow Amara to relax without pushing her.
Instead I quietly observe her and begin to see her slowly unwind. Always so high strung and to the book, she rarely relaxes and lets her hair down.
Amara is always so far inside her own head, but after a few glasses of wine she lets go and actually begins to enjoy herself. The woman I saw at the bar, the one that marched right up to me and kissed me, is slowly resurfacing.
When dinner is over, and everyone starts to stand I reach out and place my hand on Amara’s lower back. I half expect her to pull away from me, but instead she leans into my side, and I guide her away from the table, following in line with everyone else.
“Ladies, we’ll walk you back to your suite,” Liam announces. Audrey insists it's not necessary, but we all continue on anyway choosing to ignore her protest. I’m thankful, the time is giving me a few extra minutes with Amara, who still hasn’t clammed up and shrugged me away yet.
I notice the look I get from Jasper, while he looks down to the place my hand still rests on Amara and how she is holding onto my side. Ignoring his curious stare, I continue on, I know I’ll be questioned later. The thing is, I’m not even sure what thisthingis that is taking place between Amara and me.
I’m not sure what I want it to be.
I was raised by my aunt and uncle. I didn’t have a shit life; I wasn’t mistreated leading to a fear of commitment. It’s nothing like that. I did have amazing parents that chose to care for me and gave me all they ever could. They raised me to be respectful and strong, but there is still the hollow fear inside of me that lingers when I think of having a family of my own.
My biological mother was young when she got pregnant with me, she was wild and crazy. I guess I’m thankful for her, admitting that she wasn’t ready to take care of a child. My own mother being a later in life surprise baby, ensured there was a several year age gap between her and her older brother. My uncle didn’t hesitate to step in and adopt me. Aunt Cheryl never once made me feel like she herself didn’t carry me and Uncle Matt, he was born to be a father. Unable to have children of their own, I was raised as an only child. I couldn’t have asked for two better people to mold me into the man I’ve become.
Though everyone tried to get answers, my biological mother never disclosed who my real father was. I guess a part of me wonders if I’ll be a shit parent, because I had two biological ones of my own. So avoiding that was the option I chose.
Settling down was something I never even considered, but Amara has me wonderingwhat if. It’s messing with my head and yeah, a little with my heart. She isn’t just some girl I randomly met. Amara is familiar, she is someone I’ve known for years, she is comfortable, someone I care for and these newfound feelings that are surfacing are a surprise, but something I don’t find myself running away from.
When we finally make it to the door of the suite the ladies are staying in, part of me wants to ask Amara to take a walk with me. I want to take advantage of the relaxed mood she’s in and get her to admit that the kiss meant something. Maybe even have another one or ten.
But before I have the chance to even suggest it, Lorelei tugs her forward and she is gone.
Stepping forward, I stop myself quickly, reminding myself I have an audience.
“Goodnight guys,” Charlie offers a wave before slowly closing the door and when it clicks my chest grows tight.
“What in the hell was that?” Jasper shoves at my shoulder and I turn quickly, starting to walk away. Liam, Spencer, and Jasper following close behind, I can practically feel each of their eyes boring holes in my back.
“Hello?” Jasper prods a little more and I spin around walking backwards a few steps.
“What are you talking about?”
“Your obvious interest in my cousin,” Liam responds, and I feel myself grow a little uneasy. “That’s what he’s talking about.”
