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I don’t want to ask my next question, but I need to know.
“If I had told you this morning about the phone call, would you have proposed to me today?”
His eyes narrow. “Is that what you think? That I wouldn’t propose to you on my own?”
“Would you have proposed today?” I repeat.
He hesitates. “Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.”
“It does. You asked because youneededto, not because you wanted to,” I snap back. This proposal was nothing more than a Hail Mary.
He stalks toward me, and I shuffle backward until my ass hits the thick tree trunk that spears through the center of the tree house. He advances until the bark digs into my back and scrapes my skin. The blaze in his eyes consumes me.He’s pissed.
“You don’t think the last few months have been real?” He presses against me. “This isn’t real?” He grabs my chin, parting my lips, and sweeps his tongue through my mouth. Everything in me wants to return his passionate kiss, but I don’t. Instead, more tears.
“I would have fucking married you whether you were going to leave or not. Hell, we would probably alreadybemarried if you had never gone missing.”
“Why? Because of some childhood promise? Why won’t you give up on that?” My response is bitter in my mouth.
“Because, you and me, we are goddamn inevitable. You just haven’t realized it yet!”
“You never saidI love youbefore today.”
He snatches up my wrists and lifts them above my head, pinning them against the cool bark of the tree.
“Darling, you were made for me. Look at you, even now you give your body to me so freely. But why is it that the second I ask for your heart, you shut down? Do I need to make you fall in love with me again? Is that it?”
“You already have!” I shout.
I’m exhausted and going to double over any minute. This hurts too much.
“Then what the fuck is the problem!?”
“Goddamn it, Lonan, stop making this harder than it has to be!” I sob.
He drops my hands and backs away from me. Composing myself, I clear my throat and try to relax my shoulders, speaking as calmly as I can.
“Lonan, I love you,” I choke out. “You are incredible. You’re funny and charming and thoughtful... so damn thoughtful.” I wince, looking around the room to observe his hard work.
Every day this past week, he’s come home with aching muscles, and it wasn’t the extra practices he said he had, he was getting here early to start working and coming home late.
“It’s selfish and irresponsible for me to say yes when you have options for something better. If you’re being honest about how you feel, then you need to consider this decisionwithoutthe pressure of me leaving.”
“So, what? You’re giving me a chance to back out? That’s real fucked, Bridg, you know that? I call bullshit. This isyoubacking out because you’re scared of opening up.”
“You’re only asking me to marry you because the threat of my deportation was looming over your head! The responsibility fell solely on you. I won’t let that be the foundation we build our life on.”
No little girl grows up imagining her marriage proposal will be motivated by logistics rather than love.
His nostrils flare, and he shoots his arm out like he’s about to make another argument, but no words form when he opens his mouth. He knows I’m right. When our gazes meet, his hands drop to his sides. The crushing sadness I feel is reflected in his eyes. He slowly shakes his head.
Swallowing hurts. My throat bobs, trying to push down all the feelings on the cusp of spilling over at any moment.Don’t show him how much this hurts you. If Lonan and I are meant to be, I have to trust it will happen someday. If I said yes now, I’d always wonder if he did it for my family or me. Because, yeah, there’s some truth to what he said—deep down, it is hard for me to trust. But he loves my parents and Jack more than anyone. He would do anything for them.
He scrubs his hands down his face. “So, what now?” Bitter sarcasm on his tongue.
I feel like my insides have been scooped out.
“I don’t know.” I subtly shake my head, my voice solemn. “I guess I’ll stay with my parents until I can find another job.”
