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“I left Anna to be defenseless against her addiction. I ignored it then, and ignored it here too. I looked the other way because I’m a coward and it’s easier than accepting her addiction and dealing with it. Every time I pretended nothing was wrong or didn’t stop her, she fell further into the hole. Her addiction started with me. I think that’s why I struggled to get help. It felt like it was my mess to clean up since I was the one to cause it. I’m ashamed of what I did. I didn’t ever plan on telling you that, and it’s not an excuse, but I wanted to explain some of my poor reasoning and decision-making.”
She removes the oxygen mask. “That’s not how addiction works.”
It’s quiet for a minute, and I stand from my chair.
“I’m going to go see her.”
She nods.
“I’m coming back for you, but first I have some things I need to say to her.”
* * *
When I get to Anna’s room, she looks ten times better than she did before. I don’t even know what to say to her. I pull up a chair next to the hospital bed, and we look at each other. She becomes weepy, and I rest my hand on her leg.
“I love you, Anna.”
“I love you too.” She won’t look at me. “They gave me Narcan. Ruined my high... that was my first thought when I woke up. Pretty messed up, huh?”
I clear my throat. “I’m done enabling you. I’m creating a boundary. Until you go to treatment, I can’t see you, and I can’t have you in my life.”
“Rhys. Come on, I—”
“Stop talking. I need you to listen.” I try to sound as calm as I can, inside I want to scream. From sadness, from anger, from guilt. “You’re an addict. And your addiction almost killed us. It almost killed the woman I love. Your need to be high all the time has taken over your life. And I can’t let you be a part of mine until you agree to treatment.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll start going to meetings, and I’ll get a sponsor and all the things I’m supposed to do. Don’t shut me out. Let me stay.”
“No.” It’s breaking my heart.
“You can’t say no! I’m your blood! There’s nobody else. I’m alone!”
“I’m sorry, Anna, I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t? This doesn’t even sound like you. This sounds like something Freya put you up to. If I can’t stay with you, I’ll have to start prostituting myself for drug money and find a busted crack house to live in. Do you know how bad the rats are in those places? It’s disgusting. Is that what you want me to do?”
This is the manipulation Freya always warned me of.
“That’s your choice, but you put all of our lives at risk tonight. Someone’s going to get hurt.”
“I’m the one that’s hurt! The only reason I have this addiction is because of you! You’re the one that let me have the pills. I never had a problem until you, this is your fault! You weren’t there when I needed you most. You’ve never been there for me!”
“I know. You’re absolutely right. But this is me showing I care. Take the rehab, Anna. Don’t go to jail. Aren’t you tired of living like this?”
She stares at me dumbfounded, tears welling in her eyes.
“This is a fight only you can do. Choose yourself, Anna.”
“I can’t do it,” she sobs.
“You can. You’re strong and you’re so fucking resilient, you always have been. Hell, you could probably get through it with spite alone.”
She chuckles and hiccups.
“This is a good treatment program, it’s one of the best.”
“I’m scared.”
“I’m scared of what’s going to happen if you don’t go. I think we both know that’s a much scarier outcome. This could change your life.”
