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To help. To make it better.
“Can I get you anything?” I offered, sounding a tad hysterical to my own ears. “Water, more tea?”
She shook her head, her eyelids growing heavier and heavier with each passing minute.
“I’m really tired,” she murmured, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. She sniffled again. “I really could use a nap right now.”
I reached out to wipe away her tears, pulling my sleeve down over my hand to dry them up. She watched me sleepily, swaying just a little.
“Just a sec,” I told her quietly, and I got to my feet.
I marched to my room and hauled the heavy duvet off the bed, dragging it back to the living room.
She giggled a little when she saw me. “What are you doing?” she mumbled, watching as I shook the duvet out over her, wrapping her up in it.
“You want to sleep,” I said. “And I’m not going to let you out of my sight just yet.”
I sat down next to her and leaned forward to grab the TV remote. “We can watch some stupid show until you pass out,” I offered. “I know you like falling asleep with the TV on.”
As the words left my mouth, I realized why she only fell asleep with the TV on.
“It used to help,” she said, as if sensing where my mind had gone. “When things were too loud or… too quiet. There was always a TV to drown it out.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. “You can watch whatever you want,” I said, forcing a smile.
She looked up at me, her head cocked a little to one side.
Her eyes were so, so heavy; so tired.
“Could I…?” she began, but paused, looking away.
“Whatever you need,” I reminded her.
She looked back at me, chewing on the inside of her bottom lip. Without another word, she slid down the couch and settled her head in my lap, sighing as soon as she was comfortable.
My heart, on the other hand, threatened to leap clear through the air.
“I don’t need the TV,” she said sleepily.
“What do you need?” I asked, and she tugged the duvet over her shoulder, throwing it across my bare feet.
“Could you just talk to me?”
“Talk?” I repeated, not sure if I’d heard her correctly.
She nodded, her eyes already closing. “Just talk,” she said. Her fingers found mine beneath the duvet.
“Is there anything in particular-?”
“You could read our schedules, I don’t care.” She sighed. “Just, don’t let it go quiet. Please.”
I threaded my fingers through her hair. There were so many things I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her how much I cared about her, how much that “care” treaded dangerously close to “love”. But this wasn’t the time.
There were things I had to take care of, things I had to do to make sure she never felt this way again. Confessing could wait. I didn’t want to overwhelm her, not when all she needed was rest.
“I won’t let it go quiet,” I promised.
Chapter 31
