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I hear another voice, a woman, laughing quietly.“Elio, aspetta tuo padre.”Elio, wait for your daddy.
From behind the blackness behind my eyes the light starts to swirl, as though I’ve been staring at the sun too long. Little dots, slow at first, but then faster and brighter.
It’s like I’m floating.
“Papà sta impiegando troppo tempo!”Daddy is taking too long.The little boy insists.
I start to see in color, like I’m awakening from a long, deep sleep.
He comes into view then. He’s maybe five years old with a mop of sandy hair and hazel eyes, jumping up and down on the spot right next to a kid’s playground. “Mamma, dillo a Papà!”Mommy, tell Daddy!
I see her then, sitting on the grass, her hands stroking over her very swollen, pregnant belly.Valentina. Her long hair is pushed back with a head band and is flying loose around her face with the breeze. Her bright blue eyes shining in the sun as she watches him.
She’s such a vision that all I can do is stare.
“Enzo mio tesoro, per favore guarda a tuo figlio.”Enzo, my darling, please see to your child.She turns to look at me, turning that sweet smile my way.
I see myself come into view. I’m dressed casually and standing from where I was sitting on the grass.
I brush down my pants and give Valentina smile. “Mi chiedo da dove lo prenda?”I wonder where he gets it from. I lean down to kiss her, as Elio jumps up and down; no one is paying attention to him. My hand lingers on her large belly. “Non sei mai stata così bella”You have never looked more beautiful;I tell her as I straighten myself out and look toward Elio.
He’s the spitting image of the two of us. His little eyes are like mine, though, and they’re insistent at getting our attention.
“Papa!” he cries.
I laugh as I pull away from my beautiful woman, switching back to English. “I know where he gets his temper from,” I whisper in her ear.
She shakes her head. “I don’t think so, Enzo Russo. You’re a lot like a volcano, just like our son.”
Our son.
The joy it brings me is like no other. I feel it in my chest. My heart. My lungs. My whole entire body is filled with so much love for her, and our tiny humans.
My children.
“I wonder what our daughter is going to be like,” she muses, running a hand over her belly.
Daughter?I gaze at Valentina in wonder. We’re having a girl….
I start to feel light, like I’m slipping away, but I want to stay here, watching this beautiful scene unfold.
Am I dead?Is this why I’m seeing things?
No.A voice tells me in my head.It’s not your time.
All of a sudden, the image swirls and begins to distort, like a painting that has been left out in the rain. My heart feels heavy as I leave them.It’s not your time.
But I want to be back there, with them, with my family.
The light gets brighter and brighter as I look up, then, out of nowhere, it’s like a door slams closed. The light is gone, only darkness remains, and I’m thrown backwards, slamming into the ground like I’ve been thrown by an almighty force.
Do I have the will to survive this? To find my way back?
You must find the will.
And just like that I hear a familiar voice…
“Enzo?”
