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Fynn comes to see me every day. And while I can’t say being back in my old room, living with my parents, doesn’t feel weird, there’s no place I’d rather be right now.
They’ve been a welcome comfort, and so has Fynn.
He’s like the prodigal son to my parents, despite what they know about his family lineage. I guess they don’t realize I still have feelings for him.
I’ve learned to control those feelings over the last couple of years, but there’s always been that part of me that wonderswhat if?It’s a stupid notion. I know he’s a man about town these days and women run after him all over the place.
Like his brothers, he’s handsome, and out of all the Medicis, Fynn’s is the one smile that could render a woman to her knees.
When he pays you attention, he really pays attention. And that’s just Fynn. He’s not selfish at all. He’s all heart.
And he really is gorgeous.
I never thought we could ever just be friends, not after our history. But we have a connection that is so much more than that. He really is like my best friend.
The days go on, and I start seeing a therapist. I never ask Fynn about Cam ever again.
I want to put it all behind me and just move on.
The police made a formal house call to let me know that my ex hasn’t been found and a warrant is out for his arrest.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing that he may or may not be at the bottom of the Charles. I’ve washed my hands of what happens to him.
I have to tell my parents that, until he’s found, we can’t press charges. All the while, I know that secretly, deep down, something bad happened to him.
I also had to admit to them that I was in a bad relationship for some time, and I put up with his verbal abuse before it turned physical. My parents were so supportive, never once leaving my side until I started to heal.
Emotionally, I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone ever again.
I sob as soon as I get into the bath most nights, and I don’t stop until I climb into bed.
I haven’t been able to return to school, but I do have some assignments I can do while I recover.
Sometimes I feel like I need Fynn. And that’s not a good feeling because it’s not for the right reasons.
I need him because he brings me comfort. He makes me laugh and I feel safe with him. But that isn't a burden I want to put on him. He’s got his own life to live, and I can’t rely on him to always make me feel better.
I don’t want to ever be a burden on anyone.
I decide I will give myself some time and as much therapy as I need to put the past behind me. I will throw myself into my studies and volunteering at the hospital even more often when I’m better. I will do anything it takes to forget any of this ever happened.
I’ll make him and everyone else around me proud.
I fall asleep, wondering what I would do without these amazing people in my life, and for that, I feel truly grateful.
When Fynn comes to see me again, my black eye has turned a yellow-purple color, so I know at least it’s healing, even though it still looks awful.
I try to cover it a little bit, but it’s quite a pointless exercise when I look in the mirror.
As I glance back at myself, I see my once vivid eyes have lost their sparkle.
My skin is pale and sullen, the faint freckles on my nose more prominent.
I look like a frightened deer. And I don’t want to look like that. I used to be so full of confidence, and now all I see is a shadow of my former self.
I practice smiling in the mirror and making it believable, but in the end, I just give up.
