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His mom is a truly remarkable woman. “Give her my best. Maybe when I’m feeling up to it, we can catch up.”
He sits too, and begins unwrapping his burger. “She’d like that.”
I can’t even imagine seeing anyone at this point, but I don’t tell him that.
We eat in silence. I pick at my burger, but I can’t eat even half of it.
I have thought about getting out of here, leaving Boston and transferring somewhere else.
Somewhere that has no memories to haunt me. But where would I go?
When Fynn gets up to leave, I feel lighter, even though all we really did was hang out… and kiss.
I know I’m not ready for that. As much as I love Fynn, I can’t even go there right now.
I walk him to the door.
“I’ll call you tomorrow?” He turns before leaving.
I nod. “Okay. Thank you for the food.”
Looking at him in the moonlight, I swallow hard.
I reach up to hug him, because I’ll burst into tears if I don’t. “Thanks for coming over.”
He gives me that sweet, slightly cocky grin when he pulls back. “Someone has to make sure you’re eating,baby cakes.”
“Are you ever going to grow out of calling me that?”
He turns to look over his shoulder as he leaves. “Now where is the fun in that?”
* * *
It takes around six weeks for my ribs to heal. Everything slowly got better and healed fairly quickly. Only the emotional scars remain, but I know it will take a lot longer than that for those to just fix themselves.
Seeing the therapist is the best thing I’ve ever done, and I know it has helped me greatly. My parents have been so supportive, worried, but there for me all the same. I reconnected with two of my closest friends and Fynn has been checking in on me.
Neither of us bring up that kiss we shared in the kitchen.
He also doesn’t try to kiss me again.
I finally pluck up the courage to tell him I’ve been accepted to transfer to Stanford and I’ll be moving to California. I still want to do my residency at Mass General someday, so I do plan on coming back, but the way I have been feeling lately has been telling me I need a different city for a while and to shift my mindset from what I’ve been through.
It’s a bold move, one I’m not sure I’m even ready for, but I can’t live my life in fear like this anymore. I know I have to step out of my comfort zone, and the warm cocoon of home.
My dad has some sway in the industry since he’s been a GP his entire life and has a professor friend at Stanford, not that it guaranteed me a place, but I don’t think it hurt my application.
I decided to invite Fynn over for dinner and cook for him the next time my parents are out with friends.
It’ll give me time to break the news.
I know that I need a fresh start, I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, or if I’m just running away.
Maybe Cam took a part of me with him when he assaulted me that night. Maybe I’ll never be fully healed. I want to throw myself into my studies, and forget about my life back here and what happened to me. I don’t want to be a victim, even if stepping out like this feels like the hardest thing in the world.
I’m stirring the Bolognese sauce when Fynn arrives. I’ve made spiral pasta because spaghetti would be way too hard to eat in front of him. I know how much he loves pasta Bolognese, not that I make it quite like his nonna used to.
“Something smells good in here,” Fynn says when he rounds the corner, walking into the kitchen.
