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I need to know if she’s okay.
I need to know there are no signs of danger anywhere near her.
I drink myself stupid that night.
All I can picture is her suitcases in the doorway, and so much trepidation in her eyes. It’s a big move. It’s a big fucking deal, and I let her go.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Dante asks me when I flop down onto the couch of our shared apartment. I’m pretty drunk by the time he gets home.
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him, nursing yet another beer.
“Sage,” he surmises.
“Bingo.”
“I thought you said it was for the best?”
I lift my head to give him a look, then flop back down again against the cushion. “Why the fuck would anyone listen to anything I say?”
“So you didn’t mean any of it?”
I sigh, unsure why I’m even discussing this with him. I don’t have girl troubles, as my life is pretty carefree in that department.
Nobody gets me in a tangle except Sage Lawson.
“Sure, I meant it. I think she’s doing a good thing for herself, and I want that for her. I’m just gonna fucking miss her.”
“You’re still in love with her?”
“What does it matter?” I sigh, not even able to lie.
“Couldn’t you make it work, do the long-distance thing for a while?”
I laugh without humor. “Come on, you know me. I’m not cut out for relationships. I fuck everything up.”
“I think she was good for you,” he concedes. “Back then and now.” Always so fucking honest.
“We were too young.”
“You’re still young,” he reminds me.
“I think it would be a mistake given where we are. I’m halfway through my MBA, and she’s only half way into her degree. She needs to concentrate on that, not worry about this kind of shit. She’s got her whole life ahead of her.”
“And you think you’re leading her down a dark path?”
“Of course. We’re involved in underworld crime, brother, that ain’t gonna change.”
“Even for her?” He looks at me seriously.
“You can’t ask me that.”
“I can and I did.”
I flick my eyes to his. “It’s not as simple as that.”
“Yes, it is. She knows us, she knows the life.”
I shake my head. “She’s too pure for the life we lead. I need to let her go.”
