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I clasp my coffee mug between my hands, holding on to it for dear life. I know I can be honest with her.
I certainly hadn’t thought about it until Fynn went off. Now it’s all I can think about.
“Oh, sweetie. I think you really need to talk to him, get it all out in the open.”
“I can’t. He owes me an apology. He took off after I kicked him out.”
She face palms herself. “Can you two even agree on the color of orange juice? And we’re talking about kids?”
“Correction,hewas talking about kids. I was talking about having a baby by myself.”
“It’s a lot to think about. Maybe by you talking about having a baby, it’s stirred up all those old memories.” She shrugs. “Just hear him out. People can change, Sage. I know you don’t believe that, but Fynn’s always had a thing for you, anyone can see it.”
I roll my eyes, even if I know that she may be right.
I just don’t know if Fynn has the capacity to be a dutiful parent. Not after his outburst last night.
My beeper goes off a second later. I sigh, picking up my tray as I stand.
“Thanks for the pep talk.”
She smiles. “Always happy to help.”
“I’ll text you later.”
“Oh, Sage?”
I turn to look over my shoulder.
“It’s time, sweetie. It really is time.”
I nod, knowing she’s right.
10
FYNN
I can’t honestly sayI’m sorry for my outburst at Sage. I wish I was, but everything I said back there was the truth. I don’t want her to have some stranger's baby. What the ever-loving fuck is that all about?
I don’t care what she says. I don’t care what she does. The only baby she’s ever gonna have is mine.Mine.Because she’s mine, and that’s the only way it’s ever gonna be.
The fact I’m only just realizing this is a dilemma in itself. I’ve always had feelings for her, I’ve always loved her, but my explosion last night only cemented the fact I’ve been living in a dream state and I’ve only just woken up.
Maybe it’s because we almost had a child together, and I think about that all the time. Sometimes, it’s all I fucking think about. What would that kid be doing now? Where would me and Sage be if we’d stayed together? I don’t know what kind of a father I would have made back then. We were both so young. But it’s not like I’ve ever thought about having kids with anyone else. Never.
It tortures me. It rips open those old wounds that I pushed down, not ready to admit to anyone, much less myself, and here it all is again, out in the open.
The fear that she could have someone else’s child hit me square in the face.
And after hearing her say she wanted a baby, things shifted in my mind. I changed. It’s like it hit me like a lightning bolt and why have I been denying it all this time?
I want her back.
There’s no excuse for me. I can deny it all I want and pretend we’re just friends, but deep down, maybe I’ve always known it. I want her. I need her. And I won’t stop until she’s mine again.
If she thinks I’d stand by and let her get knocked up by a sperm donor, then she really doesn’t know me at all.
When I get back to the casino, I go into my office and down a large glass of whiskey in one shot, then I almost punch my hand through the wall.
