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Dad also hadn’t come home. It wasn’t the most unusual thing, but I got a little worried. Was he avoiding me? Was he upset? Did he even know… or care?
Did he learn about the post after the game and was taking it out on Charlie? When I said Dad would bench him, I was mostly joking. I sincerely hoped Dad wouldn’t be too rash with Charlie, considering this mess was all my fault, anyway. But I couldn’t tell Dad that until he got home and we could talk.
Just thinking about talking made me want to vomit, but that was beside the point now. For Charlie, I would do it. To repair what I screwed up, I would do it.
While I waited for Ali, I came up with two options.
I could toss a new rumor into the ring. I could admit the relationship was all fake, throw myself under the bus, and lie. People would believe me if I said it was all part of a contract and just business. I wasn’t sure how I could spin the kiss picture, but with enough time, I could figure it out.
However, that route would destroy Charlie. Not only his reputation, but his feelings, too. It would devastate him, for good reason.
I couldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t. If anyone was going to take the fall for this, it would be me. I just didn’t know how to spin it so he came out in the clear.
The squeak of the fence behind me gave Ali away.
“Back in the center of gossip, huh?” he asked, heading my way. As soon as he reached me, he tossed a bag of cookies in my direction. I caught them and ripped it open as fast as possible, shoving multiple in my face at once.
“Worst place to be,” I mumbled, staring at the flames in front of me instead of him.
“And in love,” he added.
“Not in love.”
“And in love,” he enunciated again, finally taking a seat.
I had no comeback for that. I could deny it up, down, and sideways, but that wouldn’t mean anything unless the rumor was actually a lie. I barely knew what real lovewasuntil recently.
Was I in love with Charlie Henrikson? Could I even be, without knowing him all that well? We had hung out a few times. I enjoyed being around him. He made me happy, in a different way than Ali or Malia did.
Was that really all it took?
Charlie said love was a powerful emotion, and different for everyone. He wanted me to experience it in my own way. That was what the whole contract was for. Did he expect I would fall in love with him? Maybe. Was that his end goal? I didn’t think so.
But to fall in love so quickly… who was to say it really was love? It could be an infatuation— when someone has such overwhelming feelings, it consumes them entirely, but then, one day, they crash. The feeling disappears and they realize what they thought they felt really wasn’t love at all.
Was I infatuated with Charlie or in love with him? Or was I just getting to know a new friend? This entire scenario confused me in many ways, and having it broadcasted to the public didn’t make things any easier.
“Why are you so afraid to open up, Una?” Ali asked from across the fire. With the flames shining on his face, I could see the somber look he had on.
This was going to be that kind of night. A serious talk kind of night. We didn’t have them often, but if I had to have one, I went to Ali. He could be goofy at times, but when you needed the best advice, Ali was there. He didn’t sugar coat. He made you think. He made you listen to your heart for what was best.
But right now, I assumed my heart was lying to me. Either that, or my brain was. Something wasn’t steering me in the right direction. One of the two were responsible for this mess.
“Broken hearts hurt the worst, Ali,” I whispered. I may have been little, but I still remembered when Mom left. I couldn’t remember her face, or what she said, but I remembered what itfeltlike. How my heart shattered, how I cried until I screamed, then cried and screamed some more.
It was the worst feeling ever, and I never wanted to go through that again. It was why I avoided heartbreak as much as I could by never getting close to people who would hurt me.
“They can. But everything that happens before a broken heart? It’s worth it. You can never predict how things are going to end. But if you don’t take the risk, you’ll never know what you’re missing, either.”
Everyone said love was worth it. But then again, everyone also sat at home, crying into a pint of ice cream when the inevitable happened. They moped around for weeks, all sad after their heart broke because of a failed relationship.
If I could guarantee never to have to feel like that, why wouldn’t I? By avoiding relationships, I knew I would never have my heart shatter to a million pieces ever again.
But what if Ali was right? What if everything else was really worth it?
“Take the risk, Una. Talk to Charlie. You’ve never let other’s opinions of you hold you back before. Don’t start now.”
The sensitive side of Ali always shocked me when it came out. But he rarely directed it at me. I especially didn’t think he would be so gentle after what I pulled with him and Aria.
