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Beth blinked. “Oh, God. What happened?” It seemed she wanted to get to the bottom of this story of mine, and I figured I might as well tell her—not all of it, but a lot of it. The main gist, anyway.
I was not going to tell her that Creed had kissed me in a way that made me forget about the world, and I was definitely not going to tell her that he’d done a little finger-fucking and that an orgasm was involved.
Nope. Those particular details would die with me.
“My brother kind of freaked. He…” It was as if the ghostly sensation of his kiss remained, and I fought internally to push it off. “He kicked him out. My brother was pissed.” Pissed was an understatement, though. Creed had been… so much more than that.
The way he’d looked at me, like I was the only thing that existed. The way he’d touched me, like he knew exactly how to make me feel good. The things he’d said, the words he’d uttered in such urgency that I damn near almost gave in to him.
But I didn’t. Just barely, I’d managed to keep hold of my sanity intact.
Honestly, for a moment there, I’d worried Creed would refuse to leave my bedroom, that he’d take things to the next level. If he’d tried… I didn’t know if I would’ve had the strength to tell him no again.
And I didn’t mean the physical kind of strength; I meant the mental fortitude, the inner willpower to resist. If I physically pushed him off me, if I yelled at him to stop, he’d stop. I knew that in my soul. If we would’ve crossed that line, I didn’t know where that would leave us, if things would get too weird and I’d be forced to move back in with my dad.
I didnotwant to go back there.
“Shit,” Beth muttered, frowning somewhat. In a typical Monday fashion, her black hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head, but a few stray strands had escaped, and the wind tousled them around. “I guess from now on, you go to the guy’s place.”
I started walking again, and Beth walked with me. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that. I think… I think it’s just better if I avoid any more parties.”
“Oh, come on! You were having fun! Plus, you looked so good—”
“Crap,” I cut in. “I forgot to bring your dress and your heels. I can bring them tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Bring them whenever. Your clothes are still on the floor of my dorm room, so I’m in no rush.” She laughed. “Besides, you looked amazing in that dress. It fit you so much better than it fit me.”
I didn’t know about that, but I guessed I’d take the compliment and shut up about it.
Beth and I had to part ways after that, head to separate classes. Mine was in a big lecture hall with a professor who liked to walk up and down the stairs as he taught. It was his way of making sure any laptops were actually being used for note-taking and not, you know, games or porn.
Yeah. Let’s just say if you sat in the back, you could usually get away with a lot. College boys were just as horny as high school boys. I’d seen some things on screens I’d had to pass to go the bathroom that I’d rather not repeat.
But, anyway, it was hard for me to focus on anything. My mind was a mess. Try to pay attention as I might, no matter how hard I tried to, in the end my mind always went back to Friday night.
The way Creed had looked at me, with a possessive hunger in his dark stare. The way his voice had gotten a little rougher, his deep tone husky and breathless. The feeling of his mouth on mine, dominant and claiming… it was enough to make my heart skip a beat and my thighs squeeze together even now.
God. What was wrong with me? I shouldn’t be thinking of any of that. Hell, I should be grossed out and disgusted by it, right?
I mean, yeah, we weren’t related by blood, so there wasn’t that aspect to overcome, but still… I’d grown up with him. I’d viewed him as a brother, not a stepbrother. It was wrong to feel this way for someone like that.
The day passed slowly, the minutes crawling by more like hours than anything else. I was anxious to return to the apartment, because what would I do if Creed was back? Would we continue on as if nothing had happened Friday night, or would things only get more complicated between us? God, I didn’t know what to do.
But, as it turned out, all of my worrying was for nothing, because Creed wasn’t back. The apartment was just as empty as it had been earlier, leaving me to my own devices yet again.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to being alone; I’d grown up pretty much alone, dreading any time Dad came home, but this was a different sort of alone. This was a loneliness I could feel deep within my bones, almost as if it hurt my heart.
I did some homework, started another paper. When dinner time rolled around, I wasn’t very hungry, so I didn’t eat much. A little snack, but that’s it. Nothing huge. No real meals. I… I think this whole thing bothered me more than I wanted to admit to myself, mainly because I didn’t want Creed to return and act like nothing had happened between us.
I hated this. I hated that I wanted more. Ishouldn’twant more.
I showered and went to bed early that night, and before sleep took me, a memory flashed in my head: I was seven or eight years old, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, the kind of kid who couldn’t wait to grow up and have the world at my fingertips. Naive through and through, but that’s the thing about being a child—eventually the reality of growing up shattered that naivety.
But, anyway, I was a young girl, told by my stepmom to get my brother and bring him out of his room for dinner. I’d skipped up the steps, seconds from barging into Creed’s room. The door sat open a few inches, allowing me to see inside just a hair, and what I saw was Creed, shirtless, standing in the middle of the room while he practiced some sort of routine.
At the time, I hadn’t realized just how muscular he was for a teenager, nor had I realized that he was practicing his technique for attacking someone else. Now that I was older and thinking about it, I knew what it was, but then… I’d been nothing more than a child full of awe.
I’d pushed into his room, my mouth falling open as he sidestepped an imaginary person, doing something fancy with his feet that I didn’t understand. Creed had seen me, seen the look on my face, and all he did was smirk.
