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Violet pulled out the other, sitting beside me and reaching for my hand. I smiled down at our fingers where they twined together, still loving the way our two styles contrasted—hers so sweet and pure and mine so wild and crazy. Violet was everything my parents had hoped I would be; everything I wasn’t. Yet somehow, regardless of how different we were, Violet was the best friend I could have ever asked for, and I knew I was lucky to have her.
“Enrica Vasquez,” she said sternly, squeezing my fingers to get my attention. “You tell me right now what the heck is going on. We are not leaving this room until you spill those beans. I don’t care if we stay here all night. Even all day tomorrow. Heck, if it wasn’t for that ridiculous clause in Edith’s will, I would be willing to live right here in this kitchen until you tell me exactly what is happening.”
That was the thing about Violet; she was a persistent little thing when she wanted to be.
Finally, I acquiesced, tipping my head back to stare at the ceiling so that I wouldn’t have to look my friend in the eye while I spoke.
“I just...I thought for sure he’d call, you know?” I said quietly, blinking away what was surely just dust in my eyes. “I thought maybe he’d wake up the next day and realize how ridiculous the whole thing was and show up here, ready to forget that I’d been a crazy person.” Shrugging, I shook my head. “I thought he’d think I was worth it.”
Violet smiled sadly, her face saying everything I didn’t want to hear.
“Ricki,” she started, and I scrunched my shoulders around my ears, knowing she was about to hit me where it hurt. “Did you call him?”
“What? No.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I—” I paused, wondering what to tell her. What could I say to explain the fact that even though I expected Asher to call me and end this bullshit fight we’d had, I was also too damn stubborn to even bend a little his way.
“Because you’re doing that thing again, aren’t you?”
“What thing?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably on the chair. “I don’t do a thing.”
“You do, babe. That thing where you put up all these walls, preventing anyone from getting close for fear that they will inevitably let you down the way your family always did, not realizing that by putting up walls, all you’re doing is denying anyone the opportunity to get to know you well enough to fully appreciate the amazing woman that you are.” I opened my mouth to speak, but she pressed on. “At the same time, you refuse to actually allow yourself to be vulnerable in any way, thereby coming off as cold and unapproachable when what you really are is scared. Scared that if you let someone in, let them see you and all your soft parts, they will eventually use that knowledge to hurt you, so you simply deny anyone the opportunity to get close in the first place and push them away before they have a chance to reject you.”
I stared at her, my mouth hanging open like a fish as she finished her long-winded speech.
“Please,” I drolled. “Tell me what you really think.”
Violet grinned.
“Ricki, if you wanted Asher to call you, if you wanted to talk to him, then maybe this time you’re going to have to make the first move. There’s no harm in showing a little emotion. Vulnerability can be sexy, you know?”
“Are you training to be a shrink or something?” I asked, and she laughed.
“Not at all. I just watch a ton ofCelebrity Rehab.”
“That shit will rot your brain,” I said distractedly, as I sat back and let her words sink in.
I knew she was right, that I should have been the one to pick up the phone and reach out to Asher instead of waiting for him to come to me, but the fact of the matter was that Iwasscared, and I hated that about myself. I knew that all my bullshit stemmed from my fear of rejection, and that I needed to be brave in so many aspects of my life, but that kind of damage was hard to undo. Hell, even laying eyes on my brother the other day sent me spiraling, curled in on myself and a shell of the person I had worked to become. I hated that he still held that kind of power over me.
That they all did, and I needed it to stop.
Chapter thirty-eight
Ricki
“Um,excuseme,ma—um,I mean Ricki,”
Tillie’s voice cut through the tension that Violet’s truth bomb had left hanging in the kitchen and I turned to face her where she was peeking in the door, timid as a mouse.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s a man here. He says he’s looking for you.”
My heart leapt.
He was here. I hadn’t ruined everything with my stupid outburst and subsequent pouting.
Asher was here, and I could finally fix this.
