AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I forced a smile. “Sunny.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good.”
He nodded again. A few long moments ticked by with us just staring down at Louise.
“When my mom passed away,” Beck said softly, “I had a lot of pent-up anger. I wouldn’t talk about it, so my way of letting it out became fighting. I got into four fistfights after school in two months. Gram decided I needed an outlet. Most people would enroll their kid in karate or sign them up for boxing classes to channel their anger.” He shook his head and smiled. “But not Gram. Gram brought home a tree stump and a hammer and nails. Looking back, I don’t even know where she got that huge stump from—the thing had to be three feet around—or how she got it up to our midtown Manhattan apartment, for that matter. But she told me that if I woke up angry again, I should take a nail from the box and hammer it into the stump until I felt better. I think we went through three or four big boxes of nails. But eventually, I stopped hammering. One day I came home from school and all the nails had been pulled from the stump. Gram sat me down next to it and made me run my finger over the holes. She said that’s what taking out your anger on others does—it leaves scars. And the ones on people don’t go away so easily. This morning, she wasn’t answering her phone, so I went to check on her. She must’ve had an idea this was coming, because when I found her, there was a Mason jar full of rusty nails on her nightstand, with a note underneath.Just in case you need these again.” Beck’s eyes glistened. “There aren’t enough nails in the world to help me get over her.”
“Oh, Beck.” I couldn’t stop my tears. I laced my fingers with his and squeezed. “I’ve only known her a short time, but she’s made a giant impact on my life. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you.”
“I’m glad you came,” he whispered. “She would’ve wanted you here.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’m glad I came, too.”
He smiled through the pain etched in his face and looked down at Louise. “The doctors and nurses all seem surprised she’s hung on this long. Now I know why she did.”
“Why?”
“She’s been waiting for you.”
***
Less than an hour after I arrived at the hospital, Louise May Aster died at 10:04 PM. The doctors didn’t have to intervene, Louise’s breaths just slowed down until she had no more left, and she was gone.
The nurse suggested we each take a moment to say goodbye one at a time. I went first, while Beck and Jake stepped outside.
I said a little prayer, then held her hand while I spoke. “Death ends a life, not a friendship. So I hope I find you waiting for me on the other side, in a rubber wingsuit or with a parachute strapped to your back, ready to cause a ruckus. I love you, Louise.”
Jake went next. Beck and I watched through the glass as he spoke for a while, then leaned down and kissed his grandmother’s cheek before coming back out.
I knew Beck’s turn wouldn’t be easy. He was such a big, strong man, someone you couldn’t imagine losing control. But he did. And I felt his pain in my chest as I watched through the glass. Beck’s shoulders shook, but it looked like he was trying to rein it in, pull himself together. It was a battle he lost, and it all started to pour out. Beck leaned over and hugged his grandmother’s body, sobbing for the longest time. When he finally stood and walked out, I felt as broken as he looked.
“Fuck.” Jake pulled his brother in for a hug, and Beck was barely able to reciprocate. When they separated, it was my turn. I wrapped my arms around Beck and held him. He tried to break free a few seconds into it, but I refused to let go. Eventually he gave in, and suddenly he was crying all over again, all of his weight leaning on me.
I held him through it—held him like both our lives depended on it, until it was impossible to figure out whose tears had spilled onto the floor because we’d both cried so much.
“What can I do?” Pulling back, I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe the wetness from his cheeks. “Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe some fresh air will help?”
Beck stared at the ground, shaking his head.
“Maybe a drink?”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not, Beck. Let me help. What do you need?”
He kept his head down for a long time. When he looked up, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. “Help me forget,” he said.
We’d come full circle. That’s what I’d told him the first time we were together, and now it would be our last. I nodded and took his hand. “Let’s forget together.”
***
Beck’s apartment was dark when we walked in. He made no attempt to turn on the lights. Instead, he crushed his lips to mine while we were still in the foyer. He’d been quiet on the way here, and all I wanted was to make him feel better. So when our kiss broke, I sank to my knees. Beck surprised me by hoisting me back up.
“Not like this. I don’t want a quick fix. I want to make love to you.”
I took a step back. “Beck…”
