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Beck nodded. “She did. You know, before we came here, I felt bad that Gram didn’t get to come one last time, didn’t get to finish her list. But she could have come at any time. You know what I think?”
“What?”
“That she knew we’d come. And she wanted us to have this time. To remind us what love is. I know you love me, even if you refuse to say it.”
An ache squeezed my chest. I wanted to tell Beck I loved him with all my heart, and that I didn’t need the reminder. But how would that help? It would only make things more difficult in the end.
The end.
That was coming closer and closer each day.
Beck watched me with hope still in his eyes. It was physically painful to squash that hope yet again. But I did, because a little hurt now was better than him sitting by my side when I was on my deathbed. I didn’t want him to end up alone like William—no matter what William said about having no regrets.
“I’m sorry, I don’t love you.”
“Yes, you do. You’re just too much of a coward to admit it.”
CHAPTER 32
Beck
DAYS BLED INTOweeks and weeks into months. It had been eighty-four days since I’d seen Nora, since I’d heard her voice or even read a text from her. It still hadn’t gotten any easier. But my loss was two-fold, Gram and Nora. Sometimes I forgot that Gram was gone. Only for a split second—like when Maddie did or said something I knew Gram would enjoy and I thought I should call and tell her. But then it would hit me, and I’d remember.
Every time, it left my insides feeling hollow in a way that couldn’t be filled—no matter how much I buried myself in work or in the bottle when I finally got home in the middle of the night.
Then there was Nora, who had a grip on my heart so tight it felt like I should see a cardiologist. I’d moved on from being mad at her for leaving. Now I was just mad at the world in general.
My brother popped into my office. He had the strap to his leather bag slung diagonally over his chest, with the satchel resting behind him.
I glanced at the clock on the wall. “Early even for you, isn’t it?”
He strolled in and leaned on the back of one of my guest chairs. “Heading to the printer.”
I nodded. “Have a good night.”
My brother didn’t take the hint. He never did. Jake tilted his head. “You should come with me tonight.”
My brow raised. “Come where?”
“For drinks. I’m meeting a few of my buddies from college. Ryan and Big Ed. Remember them?”
Vaguely.I shook my head. “Thanks. But I have a lot of work to do.”
“You’ve been working eighteen hours a day since you got back from your trip upstate. You have to be caught up by now.”
“It’s a busy time.”
Jake made a face that saidbullshit. “One drink.”
“I don’t think so.”
He sighed and pulled something from his back pocket. “I didn’t want to have to do this. But you’re leaving me no choice.” Jake extended an unmarked envelope over my desk.
“What’s this?”
“A note from Gram.”
“What are you talking about?”
