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Afterward, they bundled up and took a meandering walk to a small nearby park where Roman and Ruby sat on a bench while Olivia played on the playground.
They didn’t talk much, the silence between them already easy and comfortable, and Roman felt as if he’d been transported into another version of his life. One where he hadn’t been born to Igor Kalashnik, pakhan of the New York bratva. One where Roman might have been a normal man who met Ruby at a party even before she met Adam.
They would have dated for a while before they became serious, would have eventually moved in together. Roman would have proposed to her in some kind of grand romantic gesture and they would have gotten married in a modest wedding with their close friends and family present.
They would still be sitting on this bench on this day, but it would be their daughter playing on the playground and they would be able to hold hands because it wouldn't at all be inappropriate.
It was like a dream, one that was close enough to touch.
The sun was starting to set behind the city’s buildings as they made their way back to the apartment after the park. When they reached the door to Ruby’s building Roman stopped and took a step back.
“I should go,” he said. “I’ve already taken up most of your day.”
“You can't go now!” Olivia said, taking one of his hands in her two small ones. “Mommy said since I was sick we can watch another movie and make hot chocolate. You have to stay!”
“I don't know…” Roman started.
“Don't be pushy, Olivia,” Ruby said, laughing. “I'm sure Roman has other places to be on a Saturday night. Although…”
Roman lifted his eyebrows. “Although?”
“If youdidn'thave somewhere to be, you'd be welcome to stay and watch another movie with popcorn,” Ruby said. She hurried to continue. “But no pressure, obviously. I know we've totally monopolized your weekend so far.”
“It’s the best weekend I've had in a long time,” he said.
“Then stay,” Ruby said. “We can order takeout. Maybe Olivia will even let you pick the movie.”
“An abundance of riches,” Roman joked. “I'd love to stay if you’re sure it's okay.”
Ruby smiled up at him. “I'm sure.”
They made their way upstairs and Ruby made hot chocolate while Roman and Olivia discussed which movie to watch. Olivia told Roman he could choose but it was obvious she wanted to watch an 80s movie calledLabyrinth. He'd never heard of it, but it had David Bowie in it so it couldn't be all bad.
They piled onto the sofa and started the movie, then paused it halfway through to order takeout from Ruby’s favorite Thai restaurant.
Olivia took a bath and got into her pajamas while they waited for the food. When she emerged with Ruby half an hour later she was wearing a pink nightgown and smelled like strawberries and soap.
The food arrived and they piled their plates with food and returned to the couch. The movie was charming and Roman laughed when Olivia kept spoiling things for him right before they happened, prompting Ruby to say, “Olivia!” and shake her head.
Ruby kept apologizing — for the small sofa and the mismatched dishes, the old movie and the way Olivia leaned on him like she’d known him forever — but he loved every minute of it, felt like he’d been invited to an exclusive party calledfamily, one he’d never been part of before.
By the time the movie ended, Olivia was asleep against him, her small head bent at an awkward angle, her breathing soft and rhythmic.
“I’m sorry,” mouthed Ruby.
He shook his head, not just because he didn’t want to wake Olivia but because something unfamiliar was happening in his chest. He felt like it was being squeezed, like he couldn’t breathe, except the sensation wasn’t as unpleasant as it would be if he really couldn’t breathe.
“Want me to carry her to bed?” he asked Ruby softly.
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all.” He lifted Olivia into his arms and felt another squeeze of his chest when she laid her head on his shoulder.
“Bear,” she murmured.
Roman bent to pick up the stuffed bear and carried them both into Olivia’s room. He laid her in bed while Ruby turned on a spinning light next to her bed that cast multicolored unicorns and rainbows across the room’s pink walls.
He pulled the blankets up over Olivia the way Ruby had the night before and looked down at her sleeping form. She was so small, it was impossible to believe she would someday be an adult.
