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Kat folded her arms like a petulant child and glared at her brother. “Asshole,” she said, needing to have the last word.
“We don’t have time for this shit, Kat. This is serious.”
“I know that,” she shot back angrily, face getting redder by the second.
“I know,” Jasper sighed. “This is taking the focus off your wedding day, which sucks, but it would also suck if Ma was behind bars when the big day rolls around.”
His words had the desired effect, taking all the steam out of Kat’s argument. “Okay,” she said with a sigh. Her tone was more conciliatory this time.
Jasper sat up taller in his seat. “It’s time, past time, for us to discuss other matters.” The way his gaze never left mine told me precisely what my eldest son thought we needed to discuss.
I shook my head immediately. That was my business to tell if and when I saw fit. “That’s not a matter up for family discussion, Jasper.”
“It is now,” he shot back, his voice a low, almost menacing growl.
I kept shaking my head. My hands vibrated, and my heart pounded against my chest so hard I thought I might crack a rib. I couldn’t talk about it. Not now. Maybe not ever.
“No, Jasper. I can’t. I won’t.”
My children, the ones I gave birth to and the ones I took on over the years, didn’t need to know that part of me.
The only reason Jasper knew was because he needed to know. He was my unofficial guardian angel and the technicalheadof this family, so he needed to know. It was his job to look after the family, to protect the family name and family business.
“Jasper,” I begged.
His tone softened, and he let out a low sigh. “Ma, it’s time.”
Part of me knew he was right, but I was a fucking expert at shoving down the parts of me I didn’t want to think about, didn’t want to deal with. An archaeologist would have a field day with all the shit I’d buried deep. Then, my old, familiar friend, anger, took over, and I smacked both of my shaking hands on the table.
“Everyone. Out.” My gaze never left Jasper’s. He reached for the decanter in the middle of the table and poured half a glass of Velvet Fire.
Everyone stood, almost in unison, and filed out of the dining room with drinks in hand.
Only Jasper and I were left. He stood and rounded the long table to pour me another drink.
“More,” I told him, and he filled it to the top before he took his seat again, leaving a wide expanse of table between us.
“Well?”
“Goddammit, Jasper, it’s time to talk about this when I say it’s time. It’s my secret,mine, and I’ll tell it if and when I feel ready.”
“I understand that, Ma. I understand your reasons, and so will the others. Just give them a chance.”
“No.” I couldn’t tell them. For the first time in a long time, I felt fear. Real fear. Not since the first time Colm blackened my eye and busted my lip did I feel this kind of fear. My kids, they would look at me differently if they knew. I had to make Jasper understand.
“Your father knew. I knew. He didn’t just know what was happening, he let it happen because they forgave his debts, Jas. He fucking knew, and I knew too, and it ate me up for years that I was too fucking weak. Too powerless to do anything about it.”
I took a big gulp of whiskey and sighed as I slammed the glass down. “The moment I was strong and powerful enough, I did something about it.” I felt a little drunk, which made me overly emotional.
Jasper took his own drink, absorbing the information he was hearing for the first time. I didn’t want to tell him. As the oldest, Jasper had endured the abuse the longest, but I had to make him see how crucial it was to protect this secret. To protect me.
“Now you see why this can’t come out.”
“I know, Ma. I’ve known for a long damn time about all of it. Why do you think I’ve protected you over the years?” He took another swig, and his eyes grew glassy, took on a faraway look.
I tried to focus, but the goddamn booze messed with my head. Or maybe I was just in shock that Jasper knew. Had known for…how long?
“Remember Father Ramirez?”
