Page 28 of Brutal Sinner


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FAITH

Idon’t believe I slept all night. My heart almost gave out on me a few times when Reverend Peters prowled across to the cupboard and pressed his face to the lattice door. His rancid breath filled my space and his eyes probed into the darkness, flashing with pure evil.

He remained naked and moved around the room like a pacing lion, mumbling under his breath about resisting temptation and delivering him from evil.

The only thing keeping me going was the thought of Hope and Jonny. I must stay strong for them because I am confident that Jonny will make this nightmare go away.

My eyes fill with tears when I think about the man who crashed into my life so unexpectedly, not once, but twice. He is a force of nature, a thing of great beauty and so desirable I can’t think straight when he’s around.

As I cast my mind back to the day I discovered I was pregnant, I can still feel the fear inside me that cost me my rationality. I have been brought up to fear God and my parents in that order and I knew they would be angry, mortified, and publicly humiliated. It’s why I ran, rather than face them, but the reason I ran from Jonny was a different one entirely.

I could never fear Jonny. I fearforhim. He didn’t need a child to worry about when he was due to return to active duty. He could lose his life at any moment, and it was easier to run than to say goodbye.

I was a fool. When I saw him again, I realized how important he is to me. Surely, any time with him is worth a lifetime of tears rather than regret. Then there’s Hope. I denied them both and I feel like a fool as I blame myself for getting us all into this mess.

When I shut my eyes, I picture us a family, happy and laughing as families should. Not this. Not this existence. Life isn’t living in Heaven. It’s waiting to die.

I must fall asleep because as soon as the door opens, I tumble forward and only just prevent myself from falling onto the hard wooden floor.

The reverend is dressed, thank God, and he catches my arm and hisses, “Return to your studies.”

I am glad to be away from him and scurry there quickly, noting the dry piece of bread and pitcher of water waiting on the table.

The door slams behind me and the lock is turned and the first place I head is to the bucket in the corner to relieve myself. I am degraded, scared and broken-hearted because every minute away from my baby is killing me inside.

Two days pass and I am buckling under the weight of it all. Miss. Hughes brings me the tiniest amount of bread and water and the evenings are spent being tested by Reverend Peters.

I always fail. It’s an impossible task and the only thing keeping me going is knowing that Jonny is close and doing everything he can to rescue me.

* * *

When I wake this morning,something seems different. I can’t place it, almost as if the wind has changed. The door opens and Miss. Hughes enters with a tray with more food than usual.

She sets it down and sneers, “Today you will prepare for your wedding.”

“Today?” My heart jumps a million miles, and she nods. “Despite your laziness, the reverend has vowed to continue your bible studies personally. You will marry now his mourning period has ended and tomorrow you will wake up as his wife.”

Just the mere thought of that makes me feel nauseous, and she snaps, “You don’t deserve a fine man like him. He is a saint for taking you on.”

I ignore her words and say in a rush, “My baby. Will I see her today?”

The expression on her face is not a pleasant one as she says with apparent glee, “Your baby has been relocated.”

My eyes widen as she sneers, “Permanently. You will never see her again.”

From somewhere deep inside comes a rage I never knew was there. My fists curl and my blood boils as I well and truly lose my cool.

Grabbing the pitcher of water, I throw it hard at the disgusting woman and, as she recoils, I rush at her like a bear defending its cub.

She puts up her hands to ward me off, but I am too far gone for that. I deliver an uppercut punch that would floor any professional boxer and she screams as I knock her to the ground. I don’t stop there, and rain blows to her face as I unleash the beast inside me, my grief overpowering my sense and only when a rope is fastened around my neck and tightened cruelly, do I gasp for air as the reverend pulls me to the ground, delivering a well-aimed kick in my side for good measure.

“ENOUGH!” he yells and as I try to loosen the rope around my throat, he says in an icy voice, “How dare you attack Miss. Hughes. You are a vixen; a wild uncontrollable savage and I will not allow that kind of behavior in my home.”

I stare up in fright as his boot connects with my body, and I experience a blinding pain and then he reaches down and wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes until my eyes blur and my lungs burn.

It would be so easy to give into it and just as I begin to lose consciousness, he releases me and I drag in huge gulps of air as he hisses, “You will marry me today in front of the entire town because if you make one false move, your baby will suffer.”

“My baby…” The tears fall as I sob. “She told me my baby was gone.”

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